Secrecy
by Meowzy-chan
Summary: Yuan attempts a disguise of a renegade. Through a few mishaps, he finds himself being knocked out. When he awakens, things are different than before. [YxK] [Collab with Katandshadow]
1. Yuan

((Disclaimer, warnings and whatnots:

**Meowzy**: This is Meowzy...  
**Katandshadow**: And this is Katandshadow!  
**Meowzy**: And we'd like to thank you for taking the time to click this ficcie!  
**Katandshadow**: Especially if you are a KxY fan. Or maybe not. Either way, you'll enjoy it.  
**Meowzy**: But first, we must specifically state that we do not own Tales of Symphonia, or the characters...  
**Katandshadow**: Even though we wish we did own them. Just imagine the Kharlan War as a game.. But yes, we do not own it.  
**Meowzy**: -_nod nod_- And we also need to say that if you are shonen-ai hater, you should keep far away from this fic. Far faaaaar awaaaaay...  
**Katandshadow**: Very far away, because this wil have lots of KxY hints, and knowing me, lots of implied-ness!  
**Meowzy**: Now, as you may have noticed, this is a collaboration fic, between me...  
**Katandshadow**: And me of course. We'll be switching off from POV's every chapter. I will be writing as Kratos..  
**Meowzy**: And I'll be writing as Yuan!  
**Katandshadow**: As as I said, we'll be switching off every chapter. The story will be contiously flowing, instead of rewriting exactly what just happened but in a diff POV. Makes it more exciting 3..  
**Meowzy**: Ofcourse the start of every chapter will repeat a bit of the end from last chapter, to make it more understandable. -_nod nod_-  
**Katandshadow**: So... before we start this wonderful story, I must warn you of swearing, shonen-ai, suggestive themes and that sort of stuff. And of course.. ZE IMPLIED LEMONS, watch out.  
**Meowzy**: Mmm... Lemons... -_drool_-  
**Katandshadow**: -_pokes Meowzy from drooling over fic_- But of course, those will be farther into the story. Once the relationship grows  
**Meowzy**: Wait, there was a relationship? I thought there was just smex! Why was I not informed of this?  
**Katandshadow**: Because I wanted it to be a surprise! No way am I doing a smut, more like a smexy story. Heh.  
**Meowzy**: Awww... Well, anyway, let's get this party started, shall we? This is Meowzy...  
**Katandshadow**: and Kat saying Enjoy!  
**Meowzy**: And leave reviews! ))

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Chapter one, Yuan's P.O.V.

Torent forest. How I hated that place. An endless maze of trees. Ofcourse, I didn't get lost. I knew exactly where to go. After four-thousand years, I knew my friend only too well. I knew he'd be there, lost in thought. Hopefully off-guard.

I was annoyed that I had to do this job with a standard Renegade sword. But it was part of the disguise. Dressed as one of my underlings. How ironic. I finally understood why they were beaten so easily. The damned helmet obscured your vision.

Silently, I trudged on. Dread filled my stomach. I didn't want to do this. But I had no choice. As the leader of Renegades, I couldn't let my personal feelings get in my way. I had to do this, for the sake of the people from Sylvarant and Tethe'alla. To avoid more meaningless sacrifices. Strange though. I hated the system of the chosen one, yet I too would have to sacrifice a life to save the worlds. The life of someone close to me.

Finally, I reached the location I was supposed to be. The place where Origin rested. And I was right. Kratos was standing there, his back to me. There was no mistaking his messy auburn hair, and his purple mercenary clothing. I hid in the bushes, and watched him. He didn't move, but he knew I was there. His breathing had halted, as he listened intently. I didn't dare to attack, and he didn't dare to turn. It was an awkward ultimatum. Part of me didn't want it to stop. Because I knew what would happen next.

Eventually, I decided to get over my fears and unsheathed my sword. I lunged out of my hiding place, ready to strike. He had immediately blocked my attack with his Flamberge, however. I hopped back, and took a defensive pose.

"Filthy Renegade." He spat. Was that really what I was? Just a filthy Renegade? Would he say the same, if he knew it was me?

I didn't reply, and raised my sword. Kratos took a swipe at me, but I quickly avoided it by jumping to the side. Soon, the battle was on its way. Our swords clashed, and every dangerous slash was easily avoided. We were evenly matched, but only because I knew Kratos was holding back. I wasn't accustomed to fighting with a sword like this, and if I used one of my spells, I would blow my cover.

After a few minutes, I jumped back, as we both tried to catch our breath again. "Impressive." Kratos admitted. "Not many have lasted this long."

'Tch. I see your ego is still too large for your head.' I thought, frowning slightly. It's only logical I would last long. I knew all about his battle tactics. Just as I knew Mithos's. And Martel's.

Martel. I was doing this for her sake too. To allow her her final slumber. Would she be proud if she saw me like this? Backstabbing my own companions? Probably not. But there was no avoiding it. If only Kratos had sided with me when he had the chance. Then this wouldn't have happened. We could've looked for another way to solve this mess Mithos had created.

Suddenly, I heard a rushing sound behind me. I instinctively looked back to see what caused it. That had turned out to be a big mistake. As I saw a bird take to the sky, Kratos fired a blast at me. It hit me in the chest, and sent me flying back. I couldn't help but let out a scream of pain as I slammed into a tree. Then I fell to the ground, unconscious, as a trickle of blood rolled down my face.


	2. Kratos

((A/N: **Katandshadow**: Time for my chapter! (by the way, I finally got my thesaurus and dictionary back on my laptop. I need them so badly cause I am the worst speller ever) This is going to be the next installment of the collab, and yesh indeed, it is in Kratos' POV. Anyway, here are the warnings for this chapter. Implied KxY thoughts, some language, etc. There are also spoilers, so beware. And the disclaimer from the first chapter goes towards this and the rest of the story. Clear? Ok let's get this part started!))

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Chapter Two: Kratos's P.O.V.

As I stood there, I took in the sight and realization of what just had occurred. There, against the tree, limply lay the form of a Renegade. Beyond his mask, blood trickled down onto his lips and down his neck. Standing still, I clenched my sword tightly and watched him.

'Renegades. As simple-minded as ever.' I thought casting away the sight of another defeated.

My purpose earlier was quite simple. Invade the Renegade's base and find out just who their leader was. Of course, I didn't make it all that far before the alarm sounded. Rather than cause a fit, I left abruptly. However, one Renegade insisted on following me. And that resulted in his defeat just now. I felt no guilt, nor pride. A kill was something that shouldn't be praised or scorned. It's a part of life, and we all have to deal with it.

"Ngh..."

Glancing over at the Renegade who had just spewed up blood, I rose an eyebrow. Silently, I lessened my grip on my blade and watched the man quiver and cough. Blinking a few times, I took a step closer to him. It looked as if the helmet was causing an obstruction to his view, or possibly his air supply. Slowly, I reached out to remove it but silently punished myself for being so out-going.

One was not to socialize or help the enemy. That was the motto I lived my life by. Although, at times, I did find the phrase harsh. Swaying in and out of faded dreams, I kept my ground and starred at the renegade. Why was I still here?

"Off to Derris-Kharlan." I told myself out loud.

However, another quiver stopped my mind transportation. Gazing over once more at the fallen man, I watched as he weakly coughed and then fell to his side, collapsing. This time I was sure he was out of it, and not on the brink of fainting. Scoffing uneasily, I starred at his helmet and noticed a few stray strands of aqua hair pooling out of it.

Curiosity gripped me as I found myself walking over to him once more. As I stepped, my armor clanked with the familiar rhythm I had grown accustomed to. By now, I was standing over the fallen Renegade, peering curiously at him. I had an inference, but I wasn't sure if I should follow through or not. Sighing, I reached out and removed the helmet aimlessly.

What I found wasn't too... settling to say the least. Taking a step back from complete shock, I felt my pulse rise. There, on the ground before me was my oldest friend, and quite possibly my worst enemy.

"Yuan?" I asked curiously, noticing the scratches and cuts upon his face. Pausing, I glanced around the area and noticed it was just the two of us, and we were rather far from the base. Unsure what to do, I just remained there, weighing my options.

"To think you sided with the Renegades... how amusing." I coughed, keeping a fixed gaze upon my unconscious friend. No response came as the gentle breeze nipped at my auburn hair.

"Perhaps I should bring him back to the Inn and question him when he awakes. Surely he will know who his leader is. That is, of course, my mission after all." I looked back down at him for a moment. "Still.. that outfit really doesn't suit him. He was barely able to fight with those generic weapons." Shrugging, I pushed away any other thoughts and heaved the man onto my back.

"I guess I'll be taking a detour instead of heading back to Derris-Kharlan." I spoke to myself. Lately I had been having a knack to do that. Closing my eyes from his immense weight, I muttered the incantation that would lead me safely into the Triet Inn I had taken comfort in.

The usual array of rainbow lights filled my vision as the weightless feeling of transportation filled my soul and the one who I carried. Within a split second we were both inside the Inn.

Pushing his body off my back onto the floor, I watched as he tumbled onto the wood effortlessly. There was only one bed in this room, and I wouldn't settle for letting him have it. I was paying, and I really hadn't planned on any special guests. Especially of the half elf kind.

As I sat there, I watched the weak half elf quiver in a pile of misery. Now as I thought back, I wondered if I was wrong to have struck him down so harshly. I was almost exerting my full strength, and if I had stricken any harder, he might be dead.

As I spoke though, a cold shiver fell down my back. If I could derive the needed information from Yuan before I set him loose, perhaps Yggdrasill would be pleased enough of my work to allow me some free time. Then again, who was I to question him. It was he, who had killed my wife and supposedly my son. But now, now I had the chance to fulfill his wishes and find out who was leading the resistance against him.

Glancing down at the sudden sound from my new placement on the edge of my

bed, I watched him roll over. Arising to my feet, I walked over to his lithe form and removed the shoulder armor and useless weaponry he wore. Now he lay there in regular clothing, vulnerable to any attack.

Oddly, I felt a rush fill me. I had a chance to strike him down, didn't I? Strike back for the countless years he betrayed me. But I found myself once more on my bed, starring at the crackling fire beyond. I wasn't really one to reach out and cooperate lightly. I was more of a silent warrior, one who fought for no one in particular except myself.

"W-here."

Stunned, I remained firmly on the bed watching the half elf move slightly. Emerald eyes snapped open in an upward glance as they met mine. I had no need to unsheathe my blade, seeing he was completely unarmed in this state, and too weak to fight back if I chose to duel.

"I see you're awake." A glare passed my fixed stare.

"Kratos!" He stuttered. Restraining myself from lashing out, I crossed my arms and watched him come in realization over what had happened. A few moments passed before the half elf stood up, clutching his side from pain.

"Tell me, who do you work for?" I replied in a harsh tone.

"Work for?" Stun washed over him once more as he glanced over his body, noticing he was weapon less.

"Yes, do tell. If you don't, I will be forced to vanquish you to Derris-Kharlan to have a nice meeting with Yggdrasill, and then you can explain why you are clothed as the enemy." Keeping the harsh tone as ever, I watched fear reside in Yuan's eyes.

"You wouldn't." He snarled, sending an admits scowl at me.

"Who's to say I wouldn't. I don't care what happens to you from here on out. Right now I want answers. Who do you work for?" It was rather a demand than a question. The air became tense as the half elf noticed the door to the right and began to make a break for it. However, I had thought ahead and locked it using a simple incantation.

"You've locked me in!" Yuan hissed, in disbelief.

"Deal with it." I glared back at him before arising to my feet, with death flashing in my once calm eyes. "Now I ask you again, who are you working for?" Snarls escaped my lips as I watched his heart beat out of his chest rapidly.

"I work for Yggdrasill, as do you." He replied coldly, taking a step away from the door and towards me.

"Don't play stupid with me." Ice seemed to flow through my veins as I watched him, calculating his every move.

"If there is anyone stupid in this room, I'd have to say it was you. What do you hope to accomplish from locking me up in here? There is nothing for you to learn by keeping me here. So quit while your ahead." Stray aqua bangs fell upon his face as he stepped forward.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Amusement passed my lips as I stood my ground.

"Gah. I don't have time for this!" Yuan snarled.

"Why? We have all the time in the world, as a matter of fact. If you don't tell me your leader now, it can wait. I do hope you realize it's no behest to me if I am forced to keep you here." Darkness filled my eyes as I sent a blundered blow at him, verbally of course.

"You're as twisted as ever, you know that." Yuan snarled, crossing his arms and directing a spare glance at me.

"Now, Yuan. Is this going to be simple, or are you going to make this harder than it has to be. All I want is a name, and I'll completely forget about your treachery." I replied.

"You've never kept your promises. Making a deal with you is worse than striking up a bargain with Yggdrasill." He rose his sullen head and his determined gaze met my own.

"I saved your life, you know. It's in your best interest to just tell me the name of your leader." I addressed with a hint of annoyance. Yuan was being as stubborn as ever, and I wasn't in the mood for his bickering.

"You didn't save my life!" Yuan hissed once more.

"Care to bet?" I slowly countered.

"What purpose was there to saving me?" Yuan questioned, arms still crossed in a sarcastic manor. Stuck up as usual

"Haven't you caught on by now?" I sighed hopelessly. "You're supposed to be telling me the name of your leader, seeing you're my prisoner. Now make with it already!" I hollered, losing my cool.

"Tch. This is hopeless." Yuan turned his back and me. Snarling, I lunged forward and turned him around to stare him directly in the eye.

"No. _You_'re hopeless. I don't care what happens to you. All I want is to finish my assignment and then be-rid of you from this room." His emerald stare faltered. "You're just a stubborn, inconsiderate nobody who has stooped to the level of barbaric treachery." Yuan glanced away and attempted to break free of my hold. "So, as promised, I will keep you here until you tell me your leader's name." I pushed him back onto the floor so he was gazing up at me.

"Got it?"

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((**Meowzy**: Wow, that's one heck of a chapter! Makes mine seem so incredibly tiny! Then again, it _was_ incredibly tiny... Well, no worry. Next chapter is Yuan's. I'll try to make sure it's just as long, and incredibly cool as this one!)) 


	3. Yuan's motives

((A/N: **Meowzy**: It's Friday, so that means it's time for my chapter! It's pretty damn long compared to what I normally write. Eeheeh, I'm so proud of me! Uhm... beware spoilers, maybe some bad language...There's not really... KxY in this chapter. Sadly... I'm sorry! We don't own Tales of Symphonia! Oh! And review! Reviews are your friends!))

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Chapter Three: Yuan's P.O.V.

"Tch. This is hopeless." I turned my back on this ignorant human. What gave him the right to just lock me in here like this? I had better things to do. Still, the situation was quite dire. There was no excuse for what I'd done. No way out of this. I'd been discovered performing treachery against Cruxis.

Suddenly, he grabbed me by my shoulders, and turned me around again. Forcing me to look at him. His grip wasn't very gentle at all. And his eyes seemed to be filled with anger. Honestly, it scared me. I'd hardly ever seen him like this. Except for that time when… When Martel was killed. She was murdered by one of his kind. And just like me and Mithos, he snapped. Nothing was the same after that. But what was I doing, remembering the past? All that mattered now was the present.

"No. _You_'re hopeless. I don't care what happens to you. All I want is to finish my assignment and then be rid of you from this room. You're just a stubborn, inconsiderate nobody who has stooped to the level of barbaric treachery." He shouted. It was obvious the man was beyond reasoning now.

My eyes drifted off to the floor. I just couldn't look at him anymore. The look in his eyes was too much to bear now. Was that really what he thought of me? Just an obstacle? A nobody, taking up precious space in his room? If that was so, why did he even bother taking me here in the first place? Why didn't he take me directly to Yggdrasill, or atleast one of the cells in Welgaia? Confusion simply flushed over me, as more questions kept appearing. I tried to break free of his grip, but it was too strong. Or maybe I was just too weak.

"So, as promised, I will keep you here until you tell me your leader's name. Got it?" He snarled, giving me a hard shove. The force of it made me fall to my knees. I looked up at him, and noticed the fury residing in him. This seriously meant trouble.

I snorted slightly, showing I wasn't planning on doing anything for now. The human frowned at me. He was obviously getting impatient. But I wouldn't let it bother me. I moved over to the side of the room, and sat down, leaning my back against the wall. Dammit, he'd given me quite a hard blow. My side was stinging painfully, and all my muscles seemed to be aching. Not to mention the pounding headache I experienced. Running my fingers across my forehead, I noticed that I was bleeding. I quickly wiped the red liquid off with the back of my hand.

Was there any way out? My eyes travelled from the door that couldn't be opened, to the window that was probably locked too. But there was no way I'd be going through the fireplace. The spell on the door would most likely be lifted if Kratos were to be knocked out cold. But in my current state, I couldn't possibly put up much of a fight against him. Not to mention the fact that I was unarmed. Normally, I'd have used my magic to blast my way through the wall. But some sort of field was preventing me from using it.

"Stay quiet for as long as you like. I can wait forever." Kratos snarled.

Tch. Persistent as always. I wondered what would happen if I didn't return to the base. Botta knew I could be gone for weeks, and sometimes even months. Would he notice I was missing? Or would Kratos already kill me before he had a chance to? I cursed myself for not leaving him with better instructions. Something like… 'If I don't return in a day, you can assume I've been caught.' Still, how would that sound, coming from the mouth of their fearsome leader? One of the Kharlan heroes?

Meanwhile, the human was still staring at me impatiently. Knowing him, he wouldn't let me out until he either had some answers, or was killed. There was only one thing left for me to do. Bluff my way out of here.

"Do you really think my disappearance will go unnoticed?" I asked, sending him the most evil glare I could manage.

"Maybe not. But what does it matter? Nobody knows you're here."

Was that a smirk on his face? That bastard was actually enjoying this? Damn him! Still, it bothered me that he would think I'd join an organisation like that, just to be one of many nameless soldiers. Even if I did think they fought for a good cause. Did he really not notice that _I_ was the leader?

"And what would happen if I started shouting for help? Surely, the innkeeper wouldn't approve of kidnappers staying at his inn." I continued. Tch. The great Yuan… allowing himself to be 'kidnapped'. The thought sounded ridiculous. But I couldn't give this situation a better description.

"You can shout all you want for all I care. I cast a spell to make sure that the sounds in this room don't penetrate the walls." Kratos shrugged malevolently.

Dammit! He really _did_ think of everything, didn't he? Or was he just bluffing? Well, I didn't want to bother finding out. I wouldn't make a fool of myself.

"You are one sick bastard, Kratos." I admitted, smiling faintly. Then again, could I really blame him for what he was doing? He was just performing his job as a lord of Cruxis. The same thing I'd claimed to be for four-thousand years now. But was I really worth that title?

"So says the traitor…"

I looked up at Kratos's eyes, that were narrowed with extreme contempt. Boy, he really didn't seem to think that much of me anymore.

"Traitor, eh?" A nostalgic smile appeared on my face. "I can't help but wonder… What determines a traitor? I'd have to say that if you were fighting for a good cause, the one you believe in, you are not a traitor." I spoke innocently. What I said was true. I was fighting to stop Mithos. To allow Martel her eternal rest, and to make sure her final wish would remain intact. She said that she wanted a world free of discrimination, but this 'age of lifeless beings' was not the way to get it. She would never have wanted it like that.

"Stop messing around, dammit!" Kratos strode over to me and sank through his knees. He gripped my shoulders and shook me. The pain in my side increased significantly.

"Get your filthy hands off me!" I roared, pushing him off again.

"Just give me the name!" Kratos growled coldly. "I'll be willing to let you go, and perhaps even heal your wounds, for old time's sake. But you need to tell me who's leading the Renegades."

I simply burst out laughing. Were all humans this moronic? Probably. But then again, thinking that would be discrimination too. It'd be against Martel's wishes. Tch. I guess discrimination resides in everyone's heart, even if it _is_ just a little.

"Yuan…" Kratos stared at me like I'd gone insane. Maybe I had.

"You don't know me very well at all, do you?" I asked, still grinning.

"Apparently not." The auburn haired man snapped.

"You really want to know who's leading the Renegades?" I asked. I was in deep trouble anyway. It didn't matter anymore now. I might as well amuse the guy. He peered at me expectantly. "He's sitting right in front of you."

"W-what?" Kratos seemed stunned for a second.

"That's right. A long time ago, I started the organisation, because I knew what Mithos is doing is wrong." I shook my head softly. "Don't you remember, all those years ago? I asked you if it was right to follow him. You said that we should place our trust in him. I was hoping you'd side with me, but you branded yourself an enemy."

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((**Meowzy**: Dun dun duuuuun! Next chapter is for **Katandshadow** again!)) 


	4. Kratos' mission

((A/N: **Katandshadow:** Awesome chapter **Meowzy**! How will I compete with that? Well, I'm setting up part of the plot and stuff. And yea, I'm going to leave you with a cliffy to build off of. It isn't as long as my other one tho... Aren't I so special, neh?))

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Chapter four: Kratos's P.O.V.

"He's sitting right in front of you." His voice was filled with humour and yet that usual tint of serious. Heart falling, I tilted my head and attempted to take in what he just told me. Could he possibly be the enemy that I had been searching to slay? Did Yggdrasill want me to slay… Yuan? Who knows, it could possibly be worth it, in the end.

"W-what?"

"That's right. A long time ago, I started the organization, because I knew what Mithos is doing is wrong. Don't you remember all those years ago? I asked you if it was right to follow him. You said that we should place our trust in him. I was hoping you'd side with me, but you branded yourself an enemy." Yuan slowly got to his feet, pacing through the room and starring at me with the burning anger in his vision.

And it hit me like a ton of bricks. Yuan really was the enemy now, wasn't he? And yet he stood here, calling me a repulsive traitor. If I had really wanted to kill him right now, I would have. But now my job stood in my way. I had to gather more information before I could truly liquidate the cold-hearted half elf who dared betray his own friends.

"You-!" I growled, pushing him against the wall and gripping my hand around his neck. Emerald eyes widened as he was violently shoved. Tightening my grasp on his small neck, anger flashed in both my eyes. My breath became rather quick as I starred angrily into his silent eyes.

"Give me one good reason not to kill you." I hissed.

Before I knew it, I had been pushed off of the Renegade and went tumbling against the floor. Wincing in pain from the sudden atrocious pain that had been shot through my back, I rolled over and glared up at the blue seraph. He had somehow managed to knock me over... and now he stood there as if he had defeated me. Biting down on my bottom lip, I arose to my feet just to be slapped across the face violently.

"I do not feel the need to explain myself to the likes of you!" Yuan snapped.

We just stood there, exchanging glances. It was like some sort of nightmare I had found myself caught up in. Blinking a few times, I shook my head from pain and recollected my thoughts. Yuan was a back-stabbing two-timer, and he was the leader of the organization I was assigned to destroy. At any means necessary.

"Yuan, you've infuriated me for the last time!" I extended my sword from its sheath and glared down the man I once called a friend. Yggdrasill's orders were simple. Kill their leader, for Cruxis. And that was what I was planning to do. No matter how much I truly hated to.

"What? You're going to kill me?" Yuan asked curiously, raising an eyebrow.

"Exactly. You are defenceless now, so your death will be swift," I retorted, glaring down the blue half elf from across the room. The sun had begun to set, and soon it would be dark. And I wasn't too keen on the idea of having to keep Yuan in order over the night.

"Tch... as clueless as ever." Yuan laughed. Pausing, I lowered my blade and parted my lips.

"Clueless? What do you mean?" I demanded.

"Even you should know that weapons aren't needed for me to beat you. Skill alone is enough to be able to whip the floor with your-" Yuan began but he stopped once he starred directly at me. A bit confused, I held my blade tightly, and tilted my head. Thick locks of auburn clouded my vision a bit, however.

"Kratos, Kratos, Kratos." Yuan sighed, shrugging his arms.

"Explain yourself."

"You've got it all wrong. I'm not the traitor of the two of us, it is you who is betraying both I and Mithos. You are nothing but a filthy human!" Yuan hissed, lunging forward and toppling me over, with his body on top of mine. Wincing in sharp pain, I began to push the man off me but found myself oddly defenceless at the current moment. "And now you're going to pay. I gave you the chance to side with me, but you chose to ignore it. And for that, you will be punished."

"Punished? Isn't it _I_ should be giving the punishment around here?" I groaned, pushing Yuan off me easily and scampering to my feet rapidly. There he sat, on the floor near my feet, glaring up at me with those emerald eyes.

"Mark my words, Kratos Aurion. I'll have the whole Renegade force after you! You'll never be safe again, not even in Derris-Kharlan!" Hatred flashed in the bluenette's eyes as he watched me.

"I have no reason to fear you. Now, let's make this simple. Either you'll tell me the information I need and then let you go, or you refuse to comply and I slit your throat. Either way, it's the same to me." I replied gruffly, glaring down at him. Gripping my blade as tightly as ever, I felt my nerves act up once more.

"What information do you require?" It was more of a snap than a question.

"What is the Renegade's main goal?" It was simple enough, and I'm sure Yuan wouldn't have any troubles answering it. Especially seeing he was the Renegade leader himself.

"What makes you think I'm going to tell you?" Yuan murmured, trying to arise to his feet. However, I had cast a spell upon him at the current time so he could not move. And now that he had attempted to stir, I saw my efforts become worthwhile.

"Fine. If you're not going to tell me, I'll just bring you along with me, as my prisoner." A light snicker passed my lips as I watched the wrathful Renegade leader.

"You're not going anywhere with me." Yuan argued, trying to move but found it useless.

"Yggdrasill has also ordered me to investigate the current threat of the demon world, Niflheim. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if one of his faithful companions joined me in my mission. If you help me succeed by defeating the underworld, I'll completely forget of your treachery. Deal?" I was the typical person to strike up a deal whenever I saw fit to.

"How can I be so sure you aren't lying?" Yuan replied coldly, sending an icy peer at me. It was as if those once caring emerald eyes had frozen over due to the course of night. And as I said before, the night was slowly approaching, and me and Yuan were getting nowhere in this argument.

"If I am lying, I will let you tell Yggdrasill everything you know about me. And I do believe you happen to know a few secrets." My eyes flashed with the deal once more as my breath quickened. Sweat from my palms made the grasp on my sword rather difficult.

"So, is it a deal?" I asked curiously. "If it is, I will surely lift the spell off your body."

"... You have the choice of killing me right now, and yet you choose not to. Why is that, Kratos?" Yuan suddenly asked. Stunned, I glanced back at the legendary seraph.

I had no reason that I could think of. It was true, I could have be rid of him now and solve all of Cruxis' problems. Everything would go back to normal if Yuan just died right here and now. No more renegades and no more betrayals. It seemed so perfect, yet I could not get myself to do the deed. Blinking a few times, I watched the prudent half elf and turned away.

"There is no reason." I scoffed, keeping my back towards the spell-bound half elf. "So, is it a yes or a no?"

"Fine... But if you don't hold true to your end of the bargain, I will make your life a living hell." Such strong words came from him, even when he was in such a predicament as now.

"Strong words for one who cannot even stay loyal to a cause. Either way, that is not of importance right now. We depart tomorrow for Sybak where the book lies." I continued, keeping my eyes off him and my body turned to face the wall.

"Whatever, fine! Can you lift this spell already!" Yuan snapped, obviously missing the inner meaning of the words. Waving my hand in the air, I broke the spell that I had used upon Yuan. Now was the moment of truth. Whether he would take this chance to strike me down or stay true to his word. Whatever the outcome, I was ready for it.

"And I sleep where?" Yuan mumbled, not finding this to be amusing.

"The floor, of course." I spoke, glancing over my shoulder to see him starring at the wood in disgust. "I can't have you trying to go back on your word, now can I?"

"You're a sick, twisted bastard, you know that?" Yuan mumbled, remaining on the ground he was sitting on before. With a disdainful sigh, the half elf lay on the wood, back turned to me, and curled his body up. "See you in the morning." He almost hissed.

"Right... Night, old friend." I grumbled back, just as unpleasant he had been to me. Placing my sword under the bed and placing a simple spell upon it so Yuan could not use it, I sat down on the bed and got beneath the covers. By now it truly was night, and the creeping effect of slumber was fast approaching. Waving my hand, I put out the fire in the fireplace with water blade.

Glancing over, I noticed Yuan had already fallen asleep, and his teeth were chattering from the cold. Sighing, I arose from my perch and walked over. Gently draping a blanket over his shaking body, a light smile overcame me. As he laid there, so innocently, he seemed to be more enjoyable. It was as if I was seeing my friend in a way I hadn't for thousands of years. How peaceful he looked when he was relaxed, which was a rare occurrence.

"Humph.." Was all I said before bending down and gently removing the hair from over his ear. Placing my mouth inches away from the slightly pointed ear, I breathed lightly into it.

"Whether it be for your own reasons or not, I trust you. We've got a long mission ahead of us, and I'm glad you're helping… Even though you can't hear me now, I'd just like to say good night..."

And with that I turned around and went back to my bed. However, I froze when I heard an almost sweet sound come from the half elf. Heart dropping I turned around once again and glanced at Yuan.

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((**Meowzy**: Shizo Yuan! Now available in stores near you!)) 


	5. Yuan's reluctance

((A/N: **Meowzy**: Well, even though there was a complete shortage of reviews -_stares at the people who read but didn't comment_- I decided to upload the next chapter anyway! This is where the plot actually starts rolling. Muahahah! Enjoy! And review! Because if you review, you're cool! You'll rock! I'll lick your boots! ... Okay, I'm not gonna go _that_ far, but you get the point.))

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Chapter five: Yuan's P.O.V.

"See you in the morning."

"Right... Night, old friend."

That night, I should've been left exhausted. Afterall, I was still injured, and forced to sleep on a hard wooden floor. But, truthfully, I hadn't slept that well in quite a long time. For once, my dreams didn't turn into nightmares. I felt… secure in a way.

I awoke, feeling slightly groggy. Blinking a few times, to adjust my eyes to the sunlight that was falling in through the window, I wondered vaguely why I was lying on the floor. Then it hit me. I sat up sharply, sending a stab of pain through my side. At the same time, something fell off me. It was a blanket. Kratos's blanket. Why did he give it to me? Was he feeling so incredibly sorry for me? Or was it just another way of teasing? Or perhaps… No, it couldn't be. He'd stopped caring about me long ago. I was sure of it.

Looking up, I saw Kratos leaning against the wall, his arms crossed in an impatient way. He no longer wore his purple mercenary clothing. He'd changed into his official Cruxis uniform.

"Finally done sleeping?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What prevented you from waking me up? I am your prisoner, afterall." I retorted, frowning slightly. Why would he wait for me to wake up, if he was in such a hurry?

"You won't be of much use to me if you're exhausted." He replied coldly.

"Right."

I crawled to my feet, and had to fight hard to suppress an agonized groan, as my side started to sting again. Though as casual as I tried to act about it, Kratos noticed the pained expression on my face.

"Are you still hurt?" he asked, approaching me.

"What does it matter to you?" I growled, looking away. Afterall, he was the one who'd done this to me.

"Where?" His ruby eyes scanned my body, in search of injuries. I didn't reply, but kept my eyes firmly locked on the wall. "Stop acting like a child. It's in your best interest to tell me."

"My left side." I snapped, glaring at him. How ironic to tell a four-thousand year old seraph to stop acting like a child. He'd never had a good sense of humour.

He grabbed my right arm, and placed his other hand on my waist. Slightly shocked, I tried to break free. But then the intense feeling of a First aid spell rushed through my body. The pain slowly dissipated. I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief.

Then, our gazes suddenly met. For a few seconds, I stopped breathing. Staring into those deep ruby eyes, I finally recognised the man I'd befriended all those years ago. I thought he'd gone forever. Still, being the idiot I was, I couldn't help but break the moment.

"You can let go of me now." I spoke.

The human seemed to snap out of a daydream, and released me from his grip. He turned his back to me, and crossed his arms again.

"Ready to go then?" he grumbled.

"Actually, I'd like my sword back first."

"What?" he looked back at me, slightly surprised.

"From what I've heard, Niflheim is related to the demon world. I'd like to be able to defend myself properly, should there be a battle." I said coldly.

"Oh, very well. But don't try any funny stuff."

Kratos reached under his bed, and pulled out the sword I'd used the day before. A standard Renegade sword, to match the standard Renegade outfit I still wore. I knew I'd be more at ease if I had my own equipment with me. But I'd left that at the Renegade base. Picking it up was simply impossible. I accepted the sword, and attached it safely to my belt. It would have to do for now.

"So how are we getting to Sybak?" I asked, looking up again.

"Teleport, ofcourse." Kratos replied simply.

He grabbed my arm, and muttered a few simple words. The inn room disappeared in a blur of colours, as we arrived in Sybak a few seconds later. Glancing around, I saw we were in an alleyway near the library. And luckily, nobody was around.

"You always think before you act, don't you? What if someone saw us?" I snarled.

"They'd blame it on the cheap alcohol that's being sold here." The human shrugged. Again, I noticed his sense of humour was going downhill. Gripping my arm tightly, he started to walk.

"If you're so worried I'm going to run off, you should just use a leash." I growled, trying to keep up with his steady pace.

"I can't have you escaping the second I look away."

"I wasn't planning to. Unlike _you_, I don't break my promises." I spat. Foolish human. What point would there be in escaping, anyway? He'd probably head straight for Yggdrasill.

A short walk later, we entered the library and looked around. Apart from the librarian, the place was deserted. Kratos finally let go of my arm.

"So what does it look like?" I asked, glancing at the hundreds of books.

"It's black." He replied simply

"Oh, that's a real help." I spat sarcastically, before wandering off to search the book cabinets.

After quickly skimming all the titles, I arrived at a cabinet in the far corner of the library, where a large book caught my eye. I pulled it out, and stared at it. It was black, with swirling gold decorations. And embedded into it was…

"An exsphere?" I mumbled, running my fingers past the dark purple crystal.

"What?" Kratos was suddenly leaning over my shoulder, staring at the book too.

"Is this the Niflheim book?" I asked, turning around to face him. I wasn't at all comfortable with him breathing down my neck like that.

"I would assume so."

My eyes returned to the book. "There's something written here. It's in ancient language."

I squinted at the strange symbols, trying to remember what they meant. It'd been a while since I last encountered something in this language. Though the current chosen ones usually learned to read it, I'd gotten a bit rusty myself.

"Seal." I read. "It says 'seal'. The exsphere must function as some sort of lock, keeping whatever was sealed inside it."

"Hand it over." Kratos commanded.

"There's a magic word, you know." I snarled. But I held out the book anyway. The thing gave me the creeps. I was more than glad to get rid of it.

However, just when Kratos's fingers touched the leather-bound cover, I was suddenly blinded by a flash of light. A strange feeling spread across my body. It was like I was falling into a deep hole, yet my feet remained on the ground. But before I could begin to wonder what was going on, the light had subsided again.

Blinking furiously, I looked around. I sure wasn't in the library anymore. I was standing on some sort of transparent platform, surrounded by dark clouds. Clouds that seemed to glow with evil. There were more and more platforms all around me, appearing to be an endless maze. Though most of them were unreachable, as no bridges led to them. But that wasn't what bothered me.

"K-Kratos?" I called. My voice just disappeared into nothingness. I was all alone.

'_Welcome to Niflheim. The world of inner demons._'

I glanced around wildly, trying to see where the voice had come from. It was a strange, inhuman voice, that seemed to echo in the back of my thoughts.

'_You are no ordinary mortal. Yet you seek to destroy the evil of this book. Interesting._' The voice continued.

"Who are you?" I asked.

'_If you wish to pass the trial of Niflheim, you must make your way to the final floor, without getting swallowed by the darkness in your heart. Many have tried, and all have failed. Do you think you can do better?_'

"What are you talking about? What trial?" I called out. But the voice didn't respond again.

Sighing, I started walking. There was no point in standing around. I needed to move forward, and find a way out. What had Kratos dragged me into this time?

I hadn't even walked for that long, when a teleported pad came into view. I approached it cautiously. The voice had spoken of a trial, but so far, I had encountered nothing threatening. Could this teleporter be a trap? Still, it seemed it was the only place I could go. Every other platform was a dead end. Gulping nervously, I stepped onto it.

Once again, the surroundings disappeared in a blur of colours. But I was shocked to find that I'd ended up in a forest clearing. Was this one of the book's tricks? I rubbed my eyes faintly. Everything seemed a bit unfocused. Like a faded picture.

Hesitating, I reached out to touch a nearby tree. My hand went straight through it. Suddenly, I heard a rustling sound in the distance, and looked up. A young man came stumbling through the bushes, breathing heavily. He didn't seem to notice me. Groaning slightly, he fell to his hands and knees, so that a few locks of blue hair fell over his face. Then, shouts could be heard nearby. I looked up to see three soldiers arrive at the scene.

"We've got you now, Tethe'alla scum!" one of the soldiers said, as they pulled out their weapons.

The man clumsily got to his feet again, and backed away. He soon bumped into a tree behind him.

"It's payback time." the soldiers approached the man, pointing their swords at his chest.

Suddenly, another man jumped out the bushes, and blocked them. A mop of unruly auburn hair fell past his face.

"Back off." He snarled, holding up his sword threateningly.

"Don't interfere."

"Soldiers should stick with fighting other soldiers. Do not involve civilians in your petty games."

"This half-elf was found sneaking into our camp! What would a _civilian_ from Tethe'alla want in Sylvarant camp?" one of the soldiers asked suspiciously.

"The punishment for spies is death." Another soldier barked.

"If you stand in our way, we will be forced to kill you too."

"I'd like to see you try." The auburn-haired man growled, his sword at the ready.

I could do nothing but watch as a battle ensued. This was all so familiar. I'd seen it before, because I was there. Glancing over at the terrified half-elf backed into a tree, I recognised my past self. I was seeing a memory. This was the first time I met Kratos. As I travelled with Mithos and Martel, to try and put a stop to the war, I had the bright idea that if someone were to put a simple sleeping potion in the soldier's food, they could not battle. Mithos and Martel were both against it, but being the stubborn ass I was, I felt the need to try. It was a big mistake. I was caught before I'd even gotten to the kitchens.

As the last soldier fell to ground, bleeding heavily, Kratos turned back to glance at my past self. He was observing him closely.

"Are you alright?"

"…"

Turning back expectantly, I saw Mithos and Martel rush into the clearing. The woman quickly kneeled down next to her boyfriend, as Mithos unsheathed a sword and turned to Kratos.

"Don't you dare hurt Yuan!" the boy growled. I'd forgotten how protective he used to be.

"I was doing nothing of the sort." Kratos replied, his sword hanging loosely at his side.

"What happened?" Martel asked, as her eyes widened at the sight of the dead bodies.

"These men claimed your friend had broken into their camp. They attempted to kill him."

"Oh, Yuan. You didn't!" Martel sighed, turning to back my past self with a worried look on her face.

"You protected him? Why?" Mithos asked loudly.

"I took it as my job to make sure the soldiers don't go out of line to hurt innocent bystanders."

"In that case, we owe you our thanks." Martel got to her feet, and smiled gently. "I'm afraid we don't have anything to offer you, but if you want, you can have dinner with us."

"I would appreciate that." The human quickly ran a hand through his auburn hair, smiling faintly.

Still, as Mithos and Martel seemed pleased to meet a new companion, I couldn't help but notice the glare my past self was sending him. I appeared so cold back then. Why?

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((**Meowzy**: Whoopee! Flashbacks! ... What do you mean, that's not now Niflheim works? Niflheim works exactly how we want it to work! It's the power of **Katandshadow** and **Meowzy**, that makes the impossible possible!)) 


	6. Kratos' ignorance

((A/N: **Katandshadow**: Man, have I got a chapter for you! Can you talk about creepy EVIL voices, flash backs and lots of Kratos good-ness? Heck-yeah! I hope you all enjoy, and you **Meowzy**! Cause now it's going to get oh so more depthful))

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Chapter six: Kratos's P.O.V.

It was as if I was falling. Falling down into an endless sea of nothingness. Cold, invisible walls were closing in on me. Even when I tried to open my eyes, I starred at an endless darkness. It was as if my whole life had been stripped from my body, and I had been wiped out of very existence itself. When I tried to move, I felt no reaction. When I tried to breathe, all I could take in was long, cold whiffs. Even then, it was an abnormal feeling, unlike nothing I had ever felt. Wherever the 'seal' had taken myself and Yuan, I could make one assumption now. This place was not for the weak of mind or heart.

As soon as I got used the falling sensation, I felt my body collide into a large floor of blue. Scrambling to my numb legs, I glanced around wherever I had just landed. Endless platforms led before me, connecting in either the south or northerly direction. Some even connected east or westerly. Blinking a few times, I felt consciousness slowly rush back into my veins. Taking in a deep, normal breath, I prepared myself for what to come.

Glancing downward, I noticed my sword had fallen alongside me, rather then been clipped to my belt the whole time. As I thought it about it, I realized how painful it would have been if I had fallen with the sword. Let's just say my side wouldn't be here right now, at the very least.

'_Welcome, Kratos Aurion._'

Taking a rather stunned step backwards, I glared around. The voice that had just convened myself was low, and unearthly. Something that no human nor spirit should posses. As I stood there, I felt cold shivers run down my back. Clenching my hands, I bit down on my bottom lip and swayed uneasily on my feet, trying to keep that stern posture.

"Declare yourself." I replied apprehensively.

A prolonged moment passed with no answer. Swallowing down the unsurity that had just gathered in my throat, I felt my legs slowly become numb. I wasn't really one for surprises. I'd rather have the situation laid out before me, than have it unexpectedly tossed out like in some sort of insane array.

'_I'd like to congratulate you on being the first human to have stepped foot in Niflheim. All the others have been elves, and half-elves._'

The voice rang out again, as strong as the first time. However, this time amusement was apparent in the bass pitch. Blinking slowly, I starred at my surroundings once more. It seemed like no matter where I turned, it was endless miles of walking to be had. Just endless platforms of blue... Everywhere I looked.

"Niflheim, so this truly is Niflheim?" I inquired, casting hesitant glances.

'_Correct, seraph. Your friend arrived just moments before. Lively young half-breed he is._'

Twitching uneasily, I felt my heart drop to its lowest levels. Before this moment, I hadn't thought about where Yuan was at all. And now the thought filled the deepest parts of my mind. Where was he? Was he safe? Did he flee back to Cruxis to speak of my treachery? Did he sneak away? Or was he hurt?...

'_So many questions you have._'

If I could have seen the speaker, I knew he would have been displaying a wildly grin. Biting down on my jagged teeth, I picked up my fallen sword from the ground and breathed a few times. How was I to go about defeating this place if I had no clue on what my objective was? And even more so, what was the soul creator of this... world?

'_Why don't you progress and find the answers out yourself? This is the demon world, home of inner demons... after all._'

An eerie feeling crept upon me as a cold unearthly wind whished against the back of my neck. Flinching uncomfortably, I turned to the side, slashing at nothing with my sword. If this truly was the resting place for demons, then I had to stay on alert. Attack anytime, and anything without the slightest resistance.

"Tell me, is Yuan safe?" I demanded, beginning to gain full control of my body that I so did desire.

'_As I stated before, why don't you progress and find the answers ahead? Let the darkness consume your soul, let yourself be overtaken by fear and anxiety. It is okay to feel frightened, after all. Who wouldn't be when he is faced with such a burden as the one you're carrying?_'

"Burden?" I retorted uneasily. What burden could be so heavy that I would turn against all my beliefs and betray trust completely?

'_Do you really need a stranger to your soul answering that?_' The voice came again, as menacing as ever.

"I do not have any knowledge of what you speak of." I grumbled, gently squeezing the blade between my palms. If this so called, 'stranger', was planning to attack, I had to be ready. As I said before, an ambush could happen at any moment. Especially during the heat of a confusing conversation. But I was too good to be caught off guard, too well trained.

'_Look beyond, Kratos._'

As he spoke, a large city spread before me. Taking in the sight with much awe, I felt a sudden pang of instant alarm. This... wasn't a city of Niflheim, this was the outside worlds. Breathing becoming harsh once more, I felt the cool wind brush across my face as I stood there, watching people pass by. The people, they each bore such a vivid and life-like appearance. However, this had to be fake, and those people were just figments of my imagination. Yggdrasill had simulations similar to this, so not knowing this for what it truly was, was a sin.

'_Does this remind of you a time?_' The voice questioned.

"No?" I replied, starring at the city. Sure, I knew where we were, but no vivid memory flashed in my head. What significance could this place bear to actually bring this up?

'_Then look deeper, seraph. Watch._' After he finished, a cloaked man scampered out from the left alleyway into the main walk. His facial features were hidden behind the cloak, and a dark shadow covered his face. As he ran, the cuffs of his cloak treaded. However, the minute he disappeared down the alleyway horizontal from where he came, a small group of soldiers had charged into the street, glancing down the many paths and scampering in all directions.

"!..." Was all I could say. Now I knew this moment for what it truly was. Any moment know I'd be appearing from that house right over there, the second one on the left.

Right on cue, my familiar lilac figure emerged from the building. As the sun beat down on my usual untidy hair, I passed down the street and perked up my ears. It was as if I was listening to the soldier's conversation. To be honest, I was. Lately soldiers had been involving civilians in their little disputes, and I was one to protest against such actions.

'_Bring back any memories?_' The voice suddenly asked, as the image slowly turned into the field beyond the city, leading outwards. This was where I followed the cloaked man, so many years ago. I was set on ambushing the soldiers, and I knew that it would be risky. But I did it anyhow. Back then I had no idea what fear was.

"What significance is it for you showing me this?" I spoke, being slightly sceptical. No reply came, so I went back to watching. As I remembered it, I sat behind a few bushes, watching the soldiers charge into sight. Each held a iron sword in hand, gripping it with all their might. The harsh, savage looks on their faces to this day sent a feeling of perturbation throughout me.

As I continued to watch, I felt my heart leap downwards as the half-elf near the soldiers starred upwards. There he sat, on hands and knees, fear and determination flashing in his distant emerald eyes.

"We've got you now, Tethe'alla scum!"

One soldier prodded the side of the fallen half-elf's neck with his sword. Wincing, the half-elf slowly arose to his feet, keeping his eye sharply upon the man.

"It's payback time." Snapped the other soldier of the group, bearing a maniacal smirk.

It was as if I knew something before my thoughts registered. I jumped forward, from the bushes, the moment I saw the soldiers advance on the half-elf. Unsheathing my sword from my side I had stood between them and Yuan.

I stood here, watching my memory from so long ago, I felt the bottom of my stomach lurch. Something was wrong in the deepest part of my mind, yet I could not figure out what. Just watching this was like sending a stake through my bruised soul.

"Back off." The growl escaped my parted lips as I starred at the soldiers.

"Do not interfere." Warned a soldier, flashing me an angry glance.

"Soldiers should stick with fighting other soldiers. Do not involve civilians in your petty games."

Anger flashed into my usual un-feeling garnet eyes as I felt a growl fall upon myself.

"This half-elf was found sneaking into our camp! What would a _civilian_ from Tethe'alla want in Sylvarant camp?" The soldier told me. Even now I could pick up on the scent of whiskey on his hoarse breath. To this day I could not forget that vivid smell.

"The punishment for spies is death." Another soldier barked.

"If you stand in our way, we will be forced to kill you too." The third soldier snarled.

"I'd like to see you try." As they spoke, I readied my sword, clenching onto the handle tightly.

Swishing my sword rapidly, I sliced towards the prudent soldiers. As If I had underestimated my powers, with one swift blow, the soldiers collapsed onto the ground. Blood trickled down a few of their faces as I slashed once more, leaving them battered to bits, never to fight again.

As I stood there, watching myself defend Yuan, I felt a low gut feeling. When this had happened, it wasn't as important as now. Back then I could care less about who the person was, and what gender they were. Back then it was all business, and no one mattered to me. And I keep telling myself I am still like that today, that I have to stay that way. But I am starting to doubt myself...

As I watched myself slay the last soldier, I felt a sense of pride. Not of my former self, but in my current state. For some reason I felt proud I had killed lives.

"Are you alright?"

"…"

"Yuan!"

As I continued to watch, I noticed a girl with long green hair come running upon stage. Sparkling eyes fell upon the kneeling half-elf, who clutched his side painfully. Emerald eyes glanced back up at her, and it seemed like a small fragment of the pain seemed to subside.

And that was when the familiar image of the blonde half-elf reappeared. His concerning eyes turned to anger when he noticed I had an unsheathed sword. Perhaps he thought I was the one to kill Yu-

And that was when the flashback ended, in an abrupt manor.

'_Do you see now why I showed this to you, Kratos Aurion?'_ The voice snickered casually.

"There was no purpose of showing me in the past." I replied, trying to keep cool head and act as if this memory hadn't phased me. I kept telling myself that it didn't phase me, but in the darkest chambers of my mind, it did.

'_Are you that immoderately dense to not realize my motives?_' The voice snickered out into the darkness. Sarcasm was present in the dark voice, as I began to step across the platform, northward into the unknown.

"I do not need to know of your motives, nor do they phase me. Right now I am only concerned about completing my mission from Lord Yggdrasill." I told the darkness, stepping onto the next blue platform and taking a right onto the next one. It seemed like it would take days to reach wherever I was going... And I hoped it was only this that I would face.

'_Is that really what is on your mind? Even I can see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice, and taste it upon your lips. You've got a secret passion, Kratos. Something you won't let yourself have._'

"..."

'_Am I right?_'

"What a primitive assumption." I snarled. S-secret passion? What possible secret passion could I possibly be hiding from myself?

'_Do you really want me to answer that for you?_' The voice asked.

"... Get out of my mind." I warned angrily, stepping upon the next platform that lay north.

'_Why? This is so much more fun than prying at the half-elves thoughts. He's too weak-minded to mess with. You, however, have lied and forced yourself to believe something that is not sure. You've come to deny the lie, even now_.' The voice continued.

"I haven't the faintest notion on what you're rambling on about. I assure you that when I get out of this place, I will burn this hell-ish book." I grumbled, stepping along the path to the west platform, than north once more.

'_It's awfully amusing how you can not handle this, I can't wait to see how you do up against the next... trial._' And with that, and a loud bang, the unearthly presence of the voice vanished. Raising my auburn head, I noticed a glowing circle ahead. Rushing ahead two platforms, I stepped upon it and closed my eyes, letting out a heavy sigh,

I had never prepared myself for something like this... and what was ahead honestly struck fear into my heart. I was afraid to find out what I secretly had been denying all along… Afraid more than I ever had been before. Because the realization was slowly starting to flow back into me as did the lie. I lied to myself those countless years ago. And with that lie, grew ignorance. and Niflheim knew that. And by the time this journey was over... that secret would be revealed.

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((**Meowzy**: Wowza! That was such a cool chapter! Don't you agree, faithful reviewers? 

Also, I'd like to respond to the person who was **To lazy to log in**. Yes, it is true that Yuan is the leader of the Renegades, and a member of Cruxis. Had you taken the time to properly read the chapter, you'd know we are fully aware of that. Yuan would have to disguise himself, so that Kratos doesn't recognise him. Actually, he does the same thing in the official manga. ... Okay, I'll stop my rant now. It's just that your review really bothered me. Nagging in the back of my mind... And nagging... And my author's note is getting too long, so I'll stop))


	7. Yuan's proposal

((A/N: **Meowzy**: Hiii to all you faithful readers! Thanks for reviewing and all! You rock! Uhm... I hope you'll enjoy my next chapter. I know they're all kinda... short compared to what **Katandshadow** writes, but I tried my best on this one!))

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Chapter seven: Yuan's P.O.V. 

The forest disappeared in a whir of colours, as I found myself back in the darkness of Niflheim. The clouds were still glowing just as darkly as before, and I felt a shiver run down my spine.

"What the hell?" I called to no one in particular. But someone had heard.

'_Welcome to the second floor. How many are left? You'll have to find out for yourself._' Said the voice I had heard before.

I couldn't help but let out a low growl. The fact that this person did not show himself to me was a great source of annoyance.

'_Ofcourse, I doubt you can make it that far._' The voice continued, slightly amused. '_Your human friend appears to have a stronger mind._'

"Kratos is here too?" I asked, feeling my heart sink. Obviously, he was forced to go through the same 'trial' I had to face. Maybe, if I was lucky, it would kill him. Then my problems would be solved. I'd be the anonymous leader of Renegades once more, and Origin's seal would be released. Yggdrasill would never find out.

'_Oh, but you don't want your friend to die, do you?_' the voice asked, somehow reading my thoughts.

"What do you mean?" I frowned slightly. Why wouldn't I?

'_Deep down, you never wanted to kill him. You detest yourself for trying, don't you?_'

"Don't be stupid. I have a job to do. And my job won't be finished unless he dies." I snarled. Deciding it would be best to ignore this voice, I started walking again. I needed to get out of this place, and standing around talking to voices in my head couldn't be a good thing.

'_Oh, I assure you, you haven't gone insane. Yet._' The voice said. If I could see the person to whom it belonged, I was sure he would be smirking in a twisted way.

Still, I coldly ignored his words and continued walking, stepping onto a new platform and turning to a bridge on my left. How many more would I have to cross? How long would I be stuck here? And how much time had already passed? Everything seemed so uncertain here.

'_Oh, very well. Don't reply._' The voice sighed.'_Then, enjoy your next trial_.'

As I walked onto the fifth platform of the second floor, a teleporter pad appeared. I swiftly approached it. Would this lead to the third floor? That was the most likely possibility. But there would probably be another trap waiting. Still, I had no choice but to step onto it.

As I did, I saw Niflheim disappear in front of my eyes again. In the blink of an eye, I was standing in a forest again. Glancing around, I saw two men standing in front of each other. One of them was shuffling his feet nervously, and the other seemed slightly confused. I recognised them as myself, and Kratos.

"Why did you have to talk to me in private?" Kratos asked, crossing his arms and frowning.

"Well, you see…" the half-elf cleared his throat nervously. "I have a favour to ask of you."

"A favour?"

"Yes. I need you to distract Martel and Mithos for a few hours, while I head into town. Can you do that for me?"

"This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you've been refusing to leave this region for several days now, would it?" Kratos asked.

And then, it clicked. I remembered this day. How could I forget? I'd always marked it as one of the most important days of my life.

"Actually, it does." My past self stared blankly at the ground. "I'm having something custom made by the blacksmith, and I don't want Martel to find out."

"I see…" Kratos paused for a second. "Humph. Very well. I'll ask her if she can teach me some basic healing spells. That should keep her occupied, and might prove beneficial for later battles."

"Thank you."

I saw myself grinning widely, before running off in the direction of the village. Kratos stared after me, before turning and walking off. As he did, the scenery slowly started to fade, to make place for new surroundings. The cloudy sky had been replaced by a night sky littered with bright stars. Four people were sitting in front of a campfire, having dinner. They were accompanied by a large creature, called Noishe.

"Remember earlier, sis?" Mithos asked, looking up from his plate.

"What about earlier?" My former self asked distractedly. His mind seemed to be elsewhere.

"Kratos tried to poison me with First Aid. I'm lucky we still had some panacea bottles. You know Kratos, first aid is supposed to heal people, not poison them." Mithos muttered softly.

"Yes, that's true. But I can't seem to figure out what Kratos did wrong." Martel said, deep in thought.

"I'm not one for healing spells, thank you very much." Kratos said gruffly. He stabbed his food moodily.

"As you always say to Mithos, practice makes art. You can't expect to master healing right away." Martel said, smiling softly.

"Yeah, if he practices hard enough, he might be able to kill someone with an attempt to heal them." Mithos grinned slyly, and quickly sipped some water.

"I think I'll stick with my sword, if you don't mind." The human growled.

"Yuan, are you alright? You look awfully pale." Martel turned to the man sitting next to her, who had hardly opened his mouth that night.

"Y-yes. I'm fine." He responded, shifting in his seat nervously.

Seeing the group like this, I almost felt a need to join them. But how could I? This was just a memory, and I was already there. If I'd known back then that those were the happiest times of my life, I would've cherished them more. Watching this was like being eaten from the inside. Being consumed by regret, and a strong desire to return to those days.

"If you don't feel well, maybe I should try to heal you." Kratos commented, making Mithos snort his drink up through his nose. Martel giggled and passed him a napkin.

"I'll pass on that." The blue-haired man replied, raising an eyebrow.

It was strange how Kratos's mild joke had somehow lifted my nervousness a little. Back then, he still knew how to make me smile. Even if I didn't show it.

"As you wish." Kratos shrugged, and returned to stabbing his food.

Ofcourse, I knew I couldn't procrastinate forever. I had promised myself I would ask her that very same evening. Watching my own eyes fill with determination, I saw myself rise to my feet.

"Yuan?" Martel looked up at me. Her green eyes radiant with youthful innocence and beauty.

"M-Martel, we've known each other for a long time, right?"

Ah yes, I was stuttering. And a blush had appeared on my face too. Amazing how one girl could do that to me. Emotions like this one had frozen over later on. I doubt I could ever feel something like that again.

"Yes… We have." Martel looked slightly surprised.

"A-and… You know I love you, r-right?"

"I love you too, Yuan." The girl blinked in a confused way.

"Then… I mean…" reaching into his pocket, the half-elf pulled out a ring and held it out in the palm of his hand. He looked just about ready to faint. "W-would you marry me?"

Martel's eyes widened as she stared at the silver ring in front of her. Time seemed to freeze.

Glancing to my right, I saw that Mithos's jaw had dropped slightly. The boy was unsure what to think, and somehow managed to resort to not thinking at all. Meanwhile, Kratos wore an expression that said he'd seen it coming. I suppose it had been rather obvious when I asked him to keep Martel occupied.

"Oh Yuan, ofcourse I will!" Martel smiled brightly, and slipped the ring around her finger. She hopped to her feet and wrapped her arms around my past self's neck, leaning in for a passionate kiss.

Seeing something like this, it made my stomach lurch. Maybe, if I hadn't proposed to her, it wouldn't have been as painful when she died. To this day, I still blamed myself for being unable to protect her. If I'd died in her place, then none of this would have happened. Mithos would not have snapped, and Cruxis would not exist. Martel would have lived. She deserved to live. She was pure… Untainted. Unlike me. In fact, I wondered why she'd even bothered to accept a proposal from someone like me. Besides, when she died, her life wasn't the only one that was lost. Growling at my own stupidity, I looked away.

Instead, I resorted to watching our companions. Mithos was staring stubbornly at his food. He'd never liked it when Martel and I openly displayed our affection. Typical little brother behaviour. But then I noticed the look on Kratos's face. It was plainly indescribable, and somehow scary. But before I could decipher it properly, the image faded again. The 'trial' was already over.

* * *

((**Meowzy**: Loople-doo! ... I mean... Did you like? Darnit, Kratos's P.O.V. is going to be much more interesting...)) 


	8. Kratos' secret

((A/N:** Katandshadow**: Hell have I got a good chapter cooked up for you guys! You'll be pleased. But I must warn you, if you don't fend well with slightly dark themes, I suggest you skim the end. It's very lightly implied darkness, but I thought I'd give the warning instead of having someone angry with me for not giving the warning. Either way, enjoy!))

* * *

Chapter eight: Kratos's P.O.V.

As I stepped onto the warp pad before me, I felt an unbearable feeling rush past me. As before, I felt like I was floating in midair once more. Trying to turn my head, I watched as millions of images rushed past my vision, causing a sharp pain to form in my head. Wanting to reach out and rub my head, I found myself unable to. Sighing miserably, I awaited my fall like before.

As expected, I had crashed onto the second floor, right before the next warp pad. Scampering to my feet, I recollected my sword from the ground and let out a huge sigh. These floors were starting to become repetitive, and sooner or later, this Niflheim trial would become tiresome. Sooner or later..

'_I'm amazed you've made it this far. Impressive._' Taunted the voice from afar. Scrunching my nose miserably, I clenched the sword tightly in both my hands and advanced to the portal before me.

"These trials do not scare me. Unlike some people, I've learned to cope with my sins." I responded swiftly, shrouding a glare across my facial features.

'_Who said anything about them scaring you? That's not my intention at all, Kratos Aurion_.'

Now confused at the reasoning of the voice, I tilted my head and starred at the gleaming portal before me. How many levels did this place contain? How long would it take me to reach the end, and be-rid of this place and fulfil my job. The mission I was supposed to be on.

'_You've got me wondering, how did a human like you end up enemies with that half-breed?_'

"What do you mean? Yuan is the enemy, a worthless traitor. Why not?" I snarled in offensive. Usually it was quite common for a human and half elf to share difficulties and quarrel. Hell, many civilians protested against half-elves completely, so what would make me and Yuan's cause different?

'_I mean, you two were close and all, am I right?_'

"You have no right to know this." I retorted, scrunching my eyes uneasily.

'_Tell me, did you ever feel anything but anger towards him? Something unexplainable?_' The voice continued to pry uncomfortably.

"Why are you questioning me solely about Yuan? Mithos and Martel shared the same blood." I almost hissed under my breath. Palms began to sweat as I stood there, feeling light-headed once more. Lately I had been encountering such spells in which I feel defenceless and weak all of a sudden. And it just so happened that now was one of those times.

'_Step forward, it is time for your second trial_.' Directed the voice.

Taking a leap of faith, I stepped forward. I would rather have taken a step into the darkness, unknowingly, than protest and ultimately face death. So I did as I was told, and walked onto the portal that would lead me to the third floor. However, I soon felt the teleportation rush through me. Bracing myself for what I thought was to come, I exhaled sharply.

Yet when I did, I found myself standing in a vast field. Before me lay two familiar figures. Myself, and Yuan. Letting out a sigh of annoyance, I crossed my arms and braced myself for the trial to come. Hopefully this one wouldn't be as boring and pointless as the one before.

"Why did you wish to talk to me in private?" I heard myself question, across from the bluenette. My former self crossed his arms and arched an eyebrow curiously.

"Well, you see…" As the half elf began to speak, his words became stammers. Pausing for a moment, he distractedly cleared his throat. "I have a favour to ask of you."

"A favour?" Even now, thousands of years after the fact, I still couldn't believe the words that had escaped my comrade's mouth. Never before had he asked anything of me.

"Yes. I need you to keep Martel and Mithos occupied while I head into town. Can you do that for me?" Yuan asked curiously. My former self bore a slight grin and tilted his head. Within moments he had caused Yuan to falter in hopes.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you've been refusing to leave this region for several days, would it?" My previous form asked curiously curling upon his lips.

"... Actually it does." It took a long while for Yuan to reply to my question. "I'm having something custom made by the blacksmith, and I don't want Martel to find out."

And that was when I remembered everything. This was the day that Yuan had proposed to Martel, wasn't it? Biting down on my bottom lip, I uneasily swayed on my feet, watching my past form and Yuan converse. Something in the back of my mind was clicking rapidly, and yet I still couldn't make sense of what this raging wave of emotion was. Probably just anxiety from being in Niflheim too long, of course it is.

"Humph, very well." My former self nodded. "I'll ask her if she can teach me some basic healing spells. That should keep her occupied, and might prove beneficial for later battles."

Yuan grinned ear to ear, before taking off in the direction shouting a thank you as he ran. And now, as odd as it sounded, I watched myself, alone. It was rather odd and strange, and at the same time settling.

As the unusual feeling of the memory subsided, the setting abruptly changed into a dark night. Raging in the middle of the scene was a crackling campfire. Around it was four familiar figures. Myself, Yuan, Martel and Mithos. Behind those four figures was my faithful companion, Noishe. He had his head resting gently upon his outstretched paws, laying sleepily on the hard barren earth.

Each of the four people had a bowl of food, and a single fork. Each bore a different expression which I could easily read. Yuan was anxious and obviously nervous. Martel was content and Mithos was rather tired and annoyed. And yet, to this day I could not figure out the expression I had written across my own face. What was it?

"Remember earlier, sis?" Mithos suddenly called out. My former self had suddenly bore a light blush of embarrassment as he shoved his face into the bowl.

"What about earlier?" Yuan inquired from across the fire.

"Kratos tried to poison me with First Aid. I'm lucky we still had some panacea bottles left. You know Kratos, first aid is supposed to heal people, not poison them." With that he sent myself an angry dagger, behind a veil of amusement.

"Yes, that's true. But I can't seem to figure out what Kratos did wrong." Martel sighed.

"I'm not one for healing spells, thank you very much." I had replied.

"As you always say to Mithos, practice makes art. You can't expect to master healing right away." With that said, Martel flashed a bright smile in my direction.

"Yeah, if he practices hard enough, he might be able to kill someone with an attempt to heal them." Mithos replied slyly before retreating to the hiddance of his glass of water. To this day I resented that twerp's comment. At times he showed no respect where it was needed.

"I think I'll stick with my sword, if you don't mind." I growled hastily back at the boy. A prolonged moment passed before I had noticed Yuan jittering uneasily. Martel had also noticed this, because she cast her attention to her boyfriend eagerly.

"Yuan, are you alright? You look awfully pale." Martel asked softly, to Yuan who was beside her. Lately Yuan participated much in the campfire conversations, but tonight was different. And I had the faintest idea back then what was the cause.

"Y-yes, I'm fine." He responded, still shaking. His emerald eyes gazed at Martel caressingly, before he glanced down at his feet nervously. Finding the need to lighten his spirits, I cleared my throat to speak and set down my bowl.

"If you don't feel well, maybe I should try to heal you." I added in, as Mithos almost toppled over from the sudden wave of laughter. Martel had also let out a gentle giggle before seeing a peeved look on Yuan. I couldn't help it, I let out a gentle smile. Lately I hadn't been one to smile.

As I watched the memory, I could only sigh. Yuan had it all didn't he? He had the fiancée, the friends, and the role of the leader of the renegades. But where I stand, I am nothing but a traitor to all. Betraying the trust of so many people, and losing the ones closest to me in the process.

"I'll pass on that." Yuan replied sharply, raising an eyebrow uneasily.

"As you wish." I countered, and picked up my bowl once more.

It was only moments after before Yuan had arose to his feet. Feeling a low pit feeling in my stomach. I had to turn away from the memory. Something inside me couldn't bear to watch this again. But for some reason, I found my eyes being peeled intensely on what was happening.

"Yuan?" Martel asked, watching her boyfriend arise to his feet all of a sudden.

"M-Martel, we've known each other for a long time, right?"

Why couldn't he just come out with it. I watched my former self sigh and looked downward. I hadn't remembered taking my eyes off the two, but here I was. Even back then I felt this uncomfortable feeling wash over me.

"Yes… We have." Martel replied, bearing surprise in her emerald eyes.

"A-and… You know I love you, r-right?" Yuan asked, beginning to choke on his own words once more.

"I love you too, Yuan." Martel replied with a gentle smile. She blinked a few times, still confused but still smiled through it all. I hadn't remembered her smile, so I was seeing it for the first time on this night, through a memory.

"Then… I mean…" Yuan reached into his pocket and emerged a ring. It gleamed gently in the starlight, and Yuan turned to his girlfriend once more. Slowly, Yuan extended his hand and placed it into the palm of hers, while still holding on. "W-would you marry me?" He almost squeaked, sweating like a fool.

"Oh Yuan, of course I will!" Martel jumped to her feet and wrung her arms around Yuan's neck and hugged him tightly. Yuan blinked with surprise and gave that victory look as Martel hung onto him tightly. His gaze feel upon my former self, who had finally dared to look up. I wasn't quite sure what was written on my face, so I put on the 'I thought so' look.

"Wow! Now I've got a brother..." Mithos began excitedly then faltered with the thought of Yuan being his brother. Martel giggled lightly then passionately kissed Yuan and melted into a gentle hug.

As I sat there, I felt dread loom across me. Sure I was happy and all.. but the thing was... somewhere in the depths of my heart I wasn't. As we sat there, gentle rain fell from the heavens, causing the fire to flicker away. Yuan glanced at Martel who was in his arms and gently whispered into her ear.

"You and Mithos take the tent tonight. I don't want you two catching a cold. I'll see you tomorrow." His voice was still filled with anxiety but self pride all wrapped together.

"All right, thank you. But if you and Kratos get too cold, make sure you two get your behinds in here." Martel grinned before glancing over at Mithos. He had already arisen to his feet and charged into the large tent. Martel glanced back over at Yuan and kissed him on his cheek once more.

"I love you, good night..." And with that she disappeared into the tent.

And I was still sitting there.

"I did it." Yuan proclaimed out loud.

And yet I still looked downward.

"What? You're not happy for me?" Yuan pouted, walking over to myself and sitting down on the log next to me.

"Yuan, why are you going about marriage. This is a war, after all. Not some free for all." I remembered myself scold him harshly. I had never meant to be so cruel to him, but it just came out that way.

"Why do you care!" Yuan retorted, anger flaring up in him.

"I'm not saying that." I hissed back. "I'm not going to advance into this topic any more. I don't want to break the current state you're in. Good night." And with that I walked over to Noishe and leaned against his fur and sat down. Yuan remained standing there, and charged off to the other side of the tent.

The image slowly faded and I was back in Niflheim.

"That was when Yuan told me he and Martel had decided upon..." As I spoke I felt anger rush through me. Veins began to probe, and I blinked. It was as if my mind was spinning out of control. That anger was filling me once more and I desperately looked into the darkness that lay before me. I promised myself I wouldn't go back..

'_And what did you feel?_' The voice asked curiously as I floated simultaneously in the dark air.

"...I felt nothing." I turned away. I couldn't let myself be confronted by the darkness once more. Everything was slowly trickling back into my mind, and the pain was coming back, rushing over my body. While panicking back then... my mind was broken. And that was all there was.

_'That's a lie. You felt something unnatural.'_

"I did nothing of the sort!" I snapped, clenching my fists, trying to make the memories go away. Leave me to be.

'_Look Kratos, and remember. Remember..._'

And that's when I felt my body slowly churn. Before I knew it, I was reappearing right next to Noishe as the flashback had left off moments before. The night Yuan had told me he was engaged to Martel... Closing my eyes, I felt the familiar smell of smouldering ash fill my senses. It was odd, I wasn't actually here, but I could remember the smells. And if I remembered that... then...

And that was when I saw myself, starring up at the night sky. There I sat, shaking intensely. Reaching outward, I held my own head painfully. The memories.. they were coming back. I promised myself I would forget.. I promised myself! I tried to speak, but no words came out. All I could do was sit and watch.. watch the memory I erased from myself.

"... Why am I letting this bother me so much?" As I, my former self spoke, I watched in horror as I took my sword from my belt. Stomach dropping, I remembered everything.. everything I swore to forget. My eyes scanned the blade for a few moments as rain drops fell down onto the cold metal.

"I should be happy for my best friend, and yet I'm not. Why is this?" As I spoke, I continued to examine the blade. Running a single hand over it, it seemed as if I was prolonging what was sure to happen. Something I buried that night.

"It's true... What he said... I do care." A single tear fell from my former self's eyes as I held the blade limply, then glanced down at myself as the stars glimmered outside behind the thin clouds of rain.

"Care to the point... of wanting him." Another tear fell as I slowly turned the blade and pointed it as my shaking hands. Breaths becoming harsh, yet another tear fell.

"This... I cannot allow myself to want him. It's forbidden." My voice was cracking unlike it never did. I was a strong one, and never cried. Never showed emotion. And never showed this weakness... This weakness I was about to demonstrate. "H-he loves Martel. God damnit, he is with the one he loves. Why... Why do I feel like this!.. This this…"

"I must.. make myself forget..." Another tear fell as I choked once more on my words. "If I forget... Forget this feeling... Maybe I can continue with the journey. But how can I forget such a strong feeling?"

It was then when I had glanced once more the blade and held it limply in my hands. Tightening my grasp, I positioned it against my delicate skin as the wet tears trickled down the blade mixed with cold rain.

"If I…. cause pain... maybe I'll block this all out. Forget... that I care for him. It's the only logical way. I can't live with this. Can't keep going on knowing that I have this for him… I can't jeopardize his relationship with Martel... I must make it go away…" With that said, I slowly slashed the skin, causing blood to pool. Still through all of this talking, no one had awoken. And my voice rose to nothing but a whisper.

Starring in horror at my memory, I shook my head and charged forward, trying to grab the blade away. But as I walked forward, I felt the burning scar on my hand. Undoing my own cuff, I starred down at the scar across my wrist. Shaking my head furiously, I ran up to my former self, grabbing for the blade. However, all my hand did was go straight through.

Drops of blood fell from the cut as I had shut my eyes painfully, biting down on my bottom lip.

"I-I... Don't want to remember!" I tried breaking the memory. I didn't want the memory to come back. Remember the thing I vowed to forget.

It was then when I had dropped the blade and clenched my wrist tightly, watching the drops of blood fall. I remembered every detail.. how the pain felt, how it felt to have to deny a love that was unnatural.

And then the flashback ended leaving me on the warp pad to the next level, where I had started before. Tears fell from my eyes as I kneeled there, on my hands and knees. Rolling up my sleeves, I starred at the scar. Within that moment I remembered what it was. Before this I said it was a battle scar, and I made myself think that.. but now as I remembered, it was not a battle scar.. but a painful reminder of my desperation.

"...no, I don't love him." I kept telling myself aloud.

"I can't... I can't!" It was as if I was trying to convince myself of something was a lie. "How can I... love Yuan?"

My secret passion... After all these years that love was slowly creeping its way back into my soul… And I wanted it to go away, forget that I feel this way. I loved Yuan to the point of hurting myself.. to the point of watching myself bleed away the memory...

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((**Katandshadow**: O.O Angsty.. and dark, eh?... Never imagined Kratos as the desperate kind to do something like this?... Well, he wanted to the love to go away so he tried replacing it with pain that would erase his memory. Poor guy. 

**Meowzy**: Oh my! Kratos, nooo! Yuan will have to give him some good lovin' if they make it out of Niflheim alive.))


	9. Yuan's hallucinations

((A/N: **Meowzy: **Ooops, I forgot to update yesterday. Ohwell. I really can't match up to **Katandshadow**. She's just too good with Kratos. If only I were so good with Yuan...  
Oh, to **Kazen**, who asked if this is set before or after Anna... It's after!  
Get ready for some actual Yuan/Kratos fluff now! Yaaay, fluff!))

* * *

Chapter nine: Yuan's P.O.V.

Stumbling forward, I landed on my hands and knees on the clear blue floor of Niflheim. Silence pressed upon my ears. Which floor was this again? Oh yeah. The third. These memories, what were they? What was their purpose? To consume invaders of the demon world from the inside? Or just to weaken them for something stronger?

'_Maybe both. Maybe neither._' The voice answered, slightly amused.

"Who are you?" I asked once again, crawling to my feet. I'd shot this 'person' the same question before, but I'd never gotten a reply.

'_The welcoming committee, one might say._'

Growling slightly, I started walking. There could be countless floors ahead. And countless more trials. But would they stick to memories? Was Kratos seeing the same things I was seeing? Unlikely. Kratos probably had his own memories to look at. I doubted anything I'd witnessed so far would've left any impact on him.

'_How can you be so sure?_' the voice asked tauntingly. '_Do you really know this human as well as you think you do? He could be… hiding things from you._'

"Yeah, probably more lies and broken promises." I snapped. "Just bring on the next damn trial. I want to leave here."

Continuing my way, I crossed yet another platform. Everything here looked the same… For all I knew, I was going around in circles. It was even worse than the halls of Derris-Kharlan. This place was like a maze. A maze of demons. Even though I did not see them, I could sense they were there. Lurking out of sight

'_If that is what you wish. Just make sure you don't… regret it._'

As the voice's presence disappeared again, a teleported pad appeared on the platform in front of me. Breathing deeply, I hurried towards it. And with one last glance around the empty third floor, stepped into the clear light it emitted.

Yet again, the scenery instantly changed, and made way for a forest. Why was it always a forest? Kratos was sitting in front of a campfire, accompanied by Noishe and me. But there was something wrong. It was day, but I was lying on the ground, covered by my cloak and shivering weakly. My face was extremely pale and sweaty. When was this?

My past self started groaning loudly, causing Kratos to look up. He grabbed a cloth, and used it to dab his friend's forehead. Emerald eyes snapped open, but they seemed vacant. As though nobody was home.

"K-Kratos." I heard myself mutter.

"I'm here. It's okay, Yuan. Martel and Mithos should be back soon." The human responded, putting down the cloth again.

Then I figured it out. This had to be the time I'd gotten poisoned in a battle. Thanks to all of Kratos's First aid lessons, we'd run out of Panacea bottles. Martel and Mithos had to go all the way to the nearest village to buy one, leaving me in Kratos's care. I couldn't remember a thing about that. I'd been too far out of it. But this memory would show me what happened back then. Was it something important?

Just as the human tried to get to his feet, my past self stopped him by grabbing his leg.

"W-wait. Have to… tell you."

I seemed to have had a lot of trouble breathing, and was amazed I could even talk. Though it wasn't more than a whisper.

Kratos sank through his knees again, and raised an eyebrow.

"I-I…" the half-elf paused to take a deep breath. "Love."

The human tilted his head slightly, frowning. Like me, he was probably wondering what the heck I'd been talking about. But no further words came, as my eyes closed again, and my muscles relaxed. I had fainted. Kratos brushed some stray hair out of my face, and moved closer to the fire again.

Love? What did I love? Had I referred to Martel? Even though I'd been delusional, that seemed like an odd thing to say. But what else could I have been talking about? I stared at my past self, trying to remember what was going through my mind at that time. Then, I noticed drops of water rolling down his face, as the campfire began to hiss. It had started raining. Looking up, I saw dark clouds gathering. It was going to be a nasty storm.

"Dammit." The human groaned, getting to his feet. He motioned for Noishe to do the same. The creature hopped up and looked at him expectantly. Noishe had always been smarter than he looked.

"Come on, let's find shelter." Kratos muttered to himself, scooping his companion up from the ground and placing him on Noishe's back. Holding my past self steady, they began walking. I followed, eager to see more.

It didn't take us long to reach a small barn, hidden between the trees. It seemed like a good place to seek shelter. Kratos lifted me off Noishe again, and supported me with his shoulder. I was still unconscious, but also soaked by the rain. Not pausing to glance around he immediately helped me inside the barn, and returned outside ten seconds later.

Looking up at the dark sky, Kratos muttered to himself. "Looks like thunder. Yuan isn't going to be liking this"

The human had a nasty habit of doing that. Talking to himself, when he thought we weren't looking. Mithos and me declared him crazy a long time ago, but kept it to ourselves.

Noishe walked up to the human, letting out a soft bark. Kratos petted him lightly, a nostalgic smile on his face. "Return to the campsite. When Mithos and Martel arrive, lead them here." he ordered. "Oh, and don't sit too close to the trees. The lightning might strike you."

Noishe made a strange whining sound, and turned. As he disappeared between the trees, I saw Kratos smiling faintly. Then he disappeared into the barn again. I cast a quick glance up at the gloomy sky, before following.

The barn turned out to be nearly empty, with the exception of a few stacks of hay. Kratos had set himself down on the ground, leaning against the wall. My past self was lying on the ground, still shivering faintly. The rain splattered off the windows.

Nearly feeling the cold, I crossed my arms and took a step forward. That's when I really did feel something. A strange, tingling feeling. Like walking into a cold shower. But at the same time, it felt warm and familiar. Causing my heart to hammer against my chest. I turned back, glancing around.

"Kratos?" I muttered. But apart from the two men who were on the ground, a few feet behind me, I saw no one. Had it just been my imagination?

I was torn away from my thoughts as a flash of lighting illuminated the inside of the barn. A few seconds later, a low rumble of thunder followed. Whipping around again, I saw my past self sit up sharply. His eyes had widened in dread. Back then, I'd been afraid of lightning. Hadn't gotten over my fears yet. Not many people knew why I reacted so badly to thunderstorms. In fact, at that time only my three companions did.

When was been just a little boy, lightning struck our house. My father had perished in the flames, and my mother died shortly after, leaving me all alone. It was shortly after that when I met Martel. How ironic that nowadays, the most magic I used was lightning magic.

"Yuan?" Kratos stared at me. My chest was rising and falling again rapidly. The poison probably magnified my anxiousness several times.

Another flash of lightning caused my past self to whimper slightly. He slowly crawled forward, and climbed into Kratos's lap, clinging to his shirt and burying his face in the human's chest.

What the hell? Had I really made such a fool of myself back then?

Kratos stared down at me, unsure of what to do. I noticed his cheeks were starting to get a bit red. Wow, was the great Kratos Aurion blushing? Hesitating for a second, he placed a hand on my back.

"...You're- safe in here." He said in a slightly shaking voice.

"K-Kratos... Don't let me d-die."

My voice had reached a sudden high note in fear. Starting to feel incredibly embarrassed, I watched my past self shake uneasily.

"You're not going to die. I… won't let you." Kratos had replied. Well, only logical he wouldn't let me die. Martel would've killed him, since she left me in his care. Or was there more behind it? No, there couldn't be.

Just as my past self opened his mouth to speak again, there was a bright flash of lightning. He buried his face deeper into Kratos's chest with a slight squeak. An odd feeling suddenly rushed over me. I felt an incredible urge to switch places with the Yuan from this memory. I felt… envious.

"...Don't let me go." My past self whispered, before breathing out slowly. Approaching the two, I observed the half-elf closely. He had passed out. Kratos sighed softly, holding me close. Again, I felt this strange surge of jealousy rush through me. Jealousy, and a desire to remember what it felt like to be held like that.

Then, the image started fading. The memory was over, and it was time to reach the fourth floor of Niflheim.

"No! Wait! Just a little while longer!" I called out, hoping the voice would hear. "Please!"

'_Do you enjoy dwelling on memories, Yuan?_' the voice asked, as Niflheim slowly came into focus again. '_That cannot be very good for your sanity, can it?_'

"I…" I tried thinking of a reply to that, but came up empty. How many people had gone insane here? Watching their own memories? Wishing they could return to those times?

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((**Meowzy:** -_evil cackle_- That was interesting, no? What did Kratos think about all this? And what was that strange feeling Yuan had when he stepped forward? You'll have to wait for **Kat**'s chapter to find out!)) 


	10. Kratos’ uncertainty

((A/N: **Katandshadow:** Bravo **Meowzy** with the splendid work of the last chapter. Ahem, now time for Kratos's Point of View, neh? Who knows what my wacky mind will think up next? Definitely something perverted or about Riku... but let's stick to TOS for the time being :)! (And I'm going to put in my favourite quote from Kh2 in this chapter. If you've played it you'll pick it out!)))

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Chapter ten: Kratos's P.O.V.

Re-gathering my thoughts, I pushed away the bitter taste on my tongue. The taste of ignorance. Blinking a few times to readjust to my surroundings. And this time I was ready. Stepping fully on the platform, I was teleported to the third floor of Niflheim. I was amazed I had kept track of the levels through all these twisted memories. And so I appeared at the third floor. Blue glass glistened at me from all directions. The sooner I was rid of this place, the sooner I could go back to forgetting this had ever happened.

'_Do you really want to be done so quickly? I've got so much fun planned for you to just quit now._'

Grunting irritably, I unsheathed my blade and progressed onto the level. This repetitive walking was getting tiresome. But I couldn't squander my time, I had to keep a steady, and knowledgeable pace.

'_Humph, I wonder what he sees in you. It can't be your heart, nor your looks. Then what?_'

Stunned, I paused from my walk. Glancing around, I felt anger creep upon me. What was this voice rambling on about. Surely he was meaning something of other than what I thought he was. And even as I stood here, body beginning to shake, I felt calm at heart. I had a tendency of keeping a calm heart during times like this.

"Who?" I demanded, placing my hands on my sword strongly.

'_Maybe it's the voice. Nah, couldn't be. Maybe I should toy with you more so I can find out. You surface beings are so intricate._'

"What the hell does that mean!" I wasn't one for swearing, or yelling for that fact. Anyone who knew me could say that I was usually a calm and serious person. And sometimes frightening, but never loud and vulgar. But sometimes I just snapped, and reached out painfully.

'_Look ahead, Kratos._'

Appearing before me was a warp-pad. Tilting my head uneasily, I walked forwards to it. Pausing before I stepped upon it, I turned to the endless darkness above me and muttered a few words before raising my voice so whoever this was could hear me.

"If this is going to be another pointless memory, then you're just wasting your time fatuously." I grumbled, before stepping onto the portal. As the setting changed, as I could come to accept, the demon voice rang out both in thoughts and in a state of being.

'_I'm sure you'll really enjoy this one, Mr. Aurion. It seems you just can't keep your hands to yourself_.'

Before I could further question on the ridiculous accusation, my eyes had been opened to a vast forest. Blinking to make sure I wasn't imagining this memory, I stepped forward. It was rather dark, but the dim figure of the sun burned behind the gathering storm clouds. Then I noticed my former self resting on a log beside a man with a cloaked wrapped around his body.

"Yuan..." I mumbled aloud, walking closer to the memory so I could see much clearer. And it was as it appeared from a far away distance. Yuan's face was extremely pale, and his teeth chattered constantly, as if this was some sort of frigid weather. All was silent for a few more moments before a painful sound came from Yuan, causing my old appearance to glance downward.

"K-Kratos?" His voice was so weak. He had been poisoned earlier, or so I remembered. The others had gone to purchase more Panacea Bottles. I blamed this occurrence on myself, but then at the same time I was thankful. It made no sense at first, but the reason slowly appeared.

"I'm here. It's okay, Martel and Mithos will be back soon." I heard myself respond, taking a cloth of a monster soaked with water and running it over Yuan's forehead. Something unusual glittered in my eyes, so I averted my attention back to Yuan. After a few moments of this act, I watched myself stand up to go attend to Noishe who was a few feet away. Yuan, however, had latched out and grabbed a hold to my pant leg eagerly.

"W-wait. Have to… tell you." His voice was cracking, and even as I starred at him today, I saw the sweat roll down his face. He was so cold, and yet he sweat. Poison had the worst effect on him.

My past self glanced down at Yuan before gently bending over to face him. Yuan's breathing became rapid once more before he paused to catch his breath. Yuan starred back up at me, as if he had a lot on his mind. He was hallucinating at the moment, so I couldn't really put too much faith in everything he was saying.

"I…" He closed his eyes and seemed to be thinking. "L-love…"

Before he had finished, Yuan stopped. I watched myself frown uncomfortably, as if I was disappointed. Why... had I been disappointed if I had made the memory, made the secret go away. Was I still that desperate for him? Did I show it more than I think I did? The way I looked at him? The way I acted towards him? Was it all just a never ending clue-fest?

As my thoughts stopped their pointless whirlwind, I watched myself push a few stray bangs of hair off Yuan's face. Even now, I felt a pit feeling in my stomach watching Yuan faint. He was so weak. I had now arisen to my week and jabbed at the fire repeatedly with a stick I had picked up. It seemed like there was a lot on my mind.

"Sometimes I wonder..." I heard myself mutter before glancing up as a few drops of rain pelted my head. And for that brief moment I thought I felt the rain. The cold sensation on my head, rolling down my back. But that was nonsense.. I wasn't really here. My past self arose to his feet and motioned for Noishe to make his way over. Being the obedience pet he was, he made his way over.

"Come on. Let's find shelter." I told Noishe softly, as I picked up the frail body of Yuan and placed him on the protozoan's back. Noishe made a soft howl before we began our steady pace.

After a few minutes of walking in the ever heavy rain, a small barn came into sight. It looked like it was abandoned, so we made ourselves home. I watched myself lift Yuan off Noishe's back and place his delicate body on the floor, far in the barn. The safest place at this current moment.

"Looks like thunder... Yuan isn't going to be liking this." I had said, glancing back at Yuan from the entrance of the small farmhouse. Noishe barked softly and trotted up to my side. Reaching out, I placed a hand on his maw and smiled lightly.

"Return to the campsite. When Mithos and Martel arrive, lead them to here. And don't sit too close to the trees, the lighting might strike you." I told Noishe. Noishe gave that small 'understood' yip.

So I progressed back into the barn house, slightly moving Yuan's body closer to the random haystacks so their warmth would benefit the ill half elf.

By now Yuan had slightly awoke, and was shivering like mad. My past self sat down beside him and lightly smiled a bit before closing his eyes. Stepping forward to watch the memory more intently, I felt an unusual feeling rush through my veins. It had even pierced my bones and caused me to freeze in spot. Unable to breath, I moved quickly and the feeling was gone. Wondering what it was, I felt the dieing warmth it had brought. Unknowingly, I progressed next to the memory, trying to get what had just happened off my mind. This was a memory, there was no real feelings...

Due to my current confused state, I had jumped upwards a bit by a crackling streak of lighting. My old self however, glanced upwards noting it. As expected, thunder accompanied it and I watched Yuan scurry upwards, eyes as large as ever. It was like he had just seen a ghost or something of that nature.

"Yuan?" I asked, glancing at him. Still, I continued to watch, afraid of what might be coming next. Another round of lighting and thunder came in as Yuan jumped uneasily on the spot and buried his face into my past self chest, clinging onto my shirt with all his might.

All I could do at the time was glance down at the half-elf, I hadn't been expecting what just occurred. Reaching outward, I placed an uneasy hand on his back and slightly whispered.

"...You're- safe in here." It was the first true time I had ever dared to stammer. And for that fact, be kind to Yuan. Usually I was more so up-tight to him, nothing of this sort.

"K-Kratos... Don't let me d-die." Yuan practically squeaked from fear, as his body shook in my grasps. Sweat continued to pool from his face and down his scalp. I could tell, even by watching the memory, that my whole body was blushing a violent red.

"You're not going to die. I… won't let you." I heard myself answer, unsure of what to do. Yuan was about to say something before another crack of lighting had occurred and caused Yuan to cling tighter to my shirt and bury his face harder against my chest.

"...Don't let me go." Whispered Yuan, before closing his eyes and letting his pulse slow to a steady pace. By now I had grown accustomed to his placement and let out a gentle sigh. However, what I had done next still stuns me today. Why was I being so daring, so out there? So unafraid of what the outcome was?...

Unknowingly, I placed my chin against the half-elf's head and breathed slightly, holding him tightly in my arms. For this moment I wasn't afraid, for this moment by memory was nothing bad, but something pure.

And yet now this memory was corrupted. My gut wrenched as I realized Yuan might be watching this memory also. And if he was watching, would he come to the assumption of the secret I held within? Surely he couldn't figure it out. Hopefully, that is.

And before the image started to fade away, I had let out a single tear from my past's face before closing my eyes and doing something I now regretted. I had kissed Yuan's head softly before I had broken off his grasp and laid down the sleeping half-elf onto the ground.

And that was where the image had finally blackened out. Now I was standing on the platform, on the fourth floor. My eyes blinked rapidly and I had a horrible looming feeling.

"...Tell me, did Yuan have this same memory?" I asked, shaking a bit. No response came.

"Did he view this same memory?" I came again. Still no reply so I clenched my fists tightly.

"Did he see me? Does he know! Answer me!" By now I had fallen onto my weak knees, trying to make sense of this. Surely this wasn't me. I was too strong to be broken down like this. A silent warrior like me never acted like this. I couldn't possibly be this weak.

'_In time, all your questions will be answered._'

* * *

((**Meowzy**: Yes, Kratos. You'll find out eventually. Heheheh...  
Answering two reviews now: First, to **Master summoner Sheena**; They won't be joining up for... Quite a lot of chapters, actually. Niflheim has about ten floors for us, and they've currently reached the fourth. But we'll be sure to keep you interested!  
Second, to **Kitsu**; I'd rather call it Kruan than Yutos. But the whole name-merging stuff is kinda silly anyway. So I prefer Yuan/Kratos or the other way around.)) 


	11. Yuan's worst memory

((A/N: **Meowzy:** Whoopee! 11 chapters already! And lots of people seem to enjoy this fic a lot! Thank you all so much! And **Kat **says the same! Now, as the title implies, this chapter is gonna be a toughie for Yuan. I tried to my best to make him emo, but I think I failed... Still, don't let it get on your nerves, okay? And feel free to say 'No Meowzy, you captured emo Yuan perfectly!' in your review! ... I totally did not steal the chapter title from Harry Potter... -_cough_-))

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Chapter eleven: Yuan's P.O.V.

Letting out a low grunt, I decided to keep to my old strategy again. Ignore the voice and keep walking. By replying, I would be walking straight into Niflheim's trap. Admitting my weaknesses. And I didn't have time for this. There was no telling how much time had passed since I'd entered the book.

'_Time is a concept that does not exist in Niflheim._'

Clenching my fists, I kept walking. Right. Left. Left. Onward. Right… So many platforms…This place was endless.

'_If you wish to proceed, you could just ask me nicely._' The voice mocked.

It took me a lot of self restraint not to reply with a sarcastic remark. Niflheim wouldn't be the boss of me.

'_I could have you going around in circles, you know._' The voice continued, as I suddenly ran into a dead end. There were no more bridges on this platform. Growling, I turned back the way I came.

'_To find the next platform, you just have to ask nicely._'

Making an impatient sound with my tongue, I turned left and walked on again. Why wouldn't that damn demon or whatever it was just leave me alone?

'_Your friend is a whole lot more talkative_.' The voice sang tauntingly. '_Very well, I'll give you a very special trial now. By the time this one is over, you'll be wishing you were still wandering around on the fourth floor._'

Another teleporter pad appeared in the blink of an eye. It was special? How special? Was it another memory? And if so, which one? Gulping nervously, I stepped onto it and watched the surroundings blur again.

'_Have fun!_' the voice called after me.

As my sight focussed again, I heard a loud and unearthly scream somewhere behind me. Whipping around, I saw that I was standing in a rocky area, somewhere outside a forest. A man came running past me, hopping over some bushes as he made a swift escape. I couldn't make out his face. What kind of memory was this? But then I saw Mithos chasing after him. The boy's eyes were flashing dangerously, as tears ran down his face.

This wasn't… what I thought it was, was it? As I watched Mithos's blonde hair disappear from view, I turned back to where the scream had originated from. Slowly, I pushed my way through the bushes. My heart started pounding ferociously. As I passed through the last obstacle, I ended up at a clearing, and my eyes widened in shock. My legs refused to move another inch, as I watched the scene before me. There, on the ground a few feet before me, was Martel. She was lying in a pool of her own blood. Was she still alive? I couldn't tell. Her beautiful green eyes were open, but unseeing.

There was a faint scuffling sound on my right, and I looked up to see my past self, closely followed by Kratos. Both were as white as paper, and seemed to be in a state of shock.

"Martel…" the blue-haired man muttered, falling to his knees. He pulled Martel into a sitting position, but her arms just hung by her side lifelessly. "Martel, please. No."

"I… I don't want to see this!" I called out. I tried to step back, but found myself unable to move. I was rooted to the spot, and forced to watch the most horrible moment in my life all over again.

"M-Martel…" my past self murmured, holding his fiancée's head to his chest. Kratos approached him, a slightly helpless expression on his face.

"Stop it!" I screamed, falling to my knees and hiding my face behind my hands. This memory, it was ripping my heart into pieces. The pain was unbearable.

"Yuan, are you all right?" Kratos asked my former self, taking another step forward. The human was just trying to help. But I had snapped.

"Shut up!" the half-elf spat.

"What?…" Kratos froze, apparently unsure what to think.

I shouldn't have reacted the way I did back then. But I had known something Kratos and Mithos did not. When Martel died, hers was not the only life that had been lost. She hadn't been the only victim of that assassin. For I had a secret that tore at my insides. Martel had been pregnant. She'd only found out herself about a week before her death, and we wanted to save the news for a special occasion. But when she died, I never told anyone. I decided to take that secret to the grave with me. Tears started to run down my face, even though my past self was still trying his best to stop himself from doing that very same thing.

"You don't care what happened to her, or what happens to me. So leave now, go back and live among the filthy race you are!" he demanded, pointing into the direction Mithos had taken off in.

"What gives you the idea that I don't care?" Kratos asked, kneeling down next to him. The man was just trying to help. Trying to show his compassion. As I was now, I regretted what I did back then.

"Just leave!" My past self snarled, picking up the Swallow and holding it threateningly in front of him, while holding on to Martel with his other hand.

"Yuan, I know everything is confusing right now, but violence isn't the answer." Kratos said in a warning voice, trying to push the blade away again.

"Why? Why are you showing me this?" I whispered hoarsely, still kneeling on the ground. This memory caused me almost as much pain as it did back then. But I found myself unable to look away.

"How can you know? You didn't just lose the love of your life!" My past self continued to quarrel with Kratos. Too stubborn to accept his help.

"Yuan, that doesn't matter. Let me help-" Kratos began in a soothing voice, extending a hand to his shoulder. It was slapped away immediately, and the human moved back, slightly startled.

"You could never help. Now go!" I had said coldly, an unreadable emotion in my eyes.

"What are you planning to do then?" Kratos asked softly.

Kratos used to be a real friend back then. He would persist until he got his way. He wouldn't have done the same thing for me now. Odd how you don't appreciate what you've got until it's gone.

"... I'm going to sit in vigil for Martel. She deserved much more than she received." My past self whispered, staring down at his fiancée's lifeless body. The sight of it caused his expression to be filled with pain once more. Two lives… Lost.

"You're going to sit out here, in the cold night, alone?" Kratos was genuinely concerned about me… How odd.

"Yes." I had replied shortly, starting to shake. It had been harder and harder to hold in my burning tears.

"Then allow me to accompany you."

"Why?" Confusion rushed over my past self's face, as he stared back at his companion.

"I was her friend too, was I not?" Kratos asked. He'd had a point. Kratos had been travelling with us for a long time by then. We'd been through a lot together.

The blue-haired half-elf glanced downwards again, biting down in his bottom lip in deep thought. That time, I didn't want anyone near me. I wanted everything and everyone to just disappear. So I continued to push away anyone who tried to approach me.

"You're… just a human who has no heart."

Had I been right back then? Was Kratos really heartless? As he appeared now, a cruel lord of Cruxis, I wouldn't hesitate to disagree. But in this memory, he was trying his best to cheer me up.

"Please relax Yuan, Martel wouldn't want you to be upset."

"You have no place to talk! You didn't know her like I did." At that point, I really did consider telling Kratos about her unborn child. But I couldn't. The words wouldn't leave my mouth. Instead, tears started rolling down my face. I had broken down at last. Not wanting my companion to see, I turned away and buried my face in Martel's neck. Still, the fact that I was shaking heavily gave it away.

"Yuan… Why are you crying?" Kratos slowly moved a little closer to his friend.

"When... you lose someone you love... you cry." My past self choked, not looking up.

Kratos remained quiet. Yes, when you lose someone you love, you cry. The human would find that out the hard way, about four thousand years later.

"And now... Now I just want to be alone, Kratos." This time, the man did look up. He glared at Kratos through his tears, still holding on to Martel.

"I don't want you to be alone. Martel wouldn't either."

Damn, that man was stubborn. But in a way, I was glad that he was. If he'd done as I told him, and left, who knows what I might've done to myself.

"There's no point in life anymore... She's gone. What is left for me?" My past self gently lowered his fiancée's body to the ground, and looked up at the mountains in front of him. He was still crying. And my present self was doing the same.

"That I do not know. I am still trying to find my purpose in life also. But all we can do now is mourn and take life as it is given." Kratos said wisely, wrapping his arms around his knees before him.

"I don't want to live without her... I really don't." I had whispered, also pulling my knees up to my face, and burying my face in them.

"You should live on, remembering her. When you remember what she was like, it's like she is living once more. Living and breathing. When you remember, you will always be with her." Kratos placed a hand on my past self's shoulder. Such wise words, for such a crude being…

"How... can you know this? How can humans be so..." My past self turned to look at him, slightly confused. And he stopped talking when he saw the man smile back at him.

"Not all humans share the same barbaric greed." He had said softly.

A silence followed, as the half-elf stared at the sun, that was slowly setting behind the hills. He had calmed down a little. Unlike me. I lowered my head, staring at the ground underneath me, as tears continued to fall. Why wouldn't this memory stop?

"Kratos?..."

I looked up as my past self spoke again.

"Yes?"

"Thanks... for everything."

Everything slowly went black, and I ended up on my knees in front of the warp pad of the fifth floor of Niflheim. I shivered heavily, staring into the darkness before me. Endless evils.

'_Did you enjoy that?_' the voice taunted.

"W-Why?" I stuttered, still crying. It had been a long time since I had felt so alone. And I hoped, against all rational thoughts, that I would be reunited with Kratos again soon.

* * *

((**Meowzy**: Phew, how was that? Bad, wasn't it? Oh, credit goes to **Kat**, for coming up with the 'Martel pregnant' plot! And I can tell you right now, her chapter is gonna be awesome!)) 


	12. Kratos' message

((A/N: **Katandshadow**: Sorry it's not that long. It was one of those "Kratos doesn't have much feeling since this chapter is more so for Yuan" kind of deals. But I tried my best, so enjoy what there is!))

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Chapter twelve: Kratos's P.O.V.

'_In time, all your questions will be answered._'

"No, I want them answered now." I demanded, as anger flashed in my garnet eyes. As restless as before, I scuffed my feet against the ground. I had calculated that this was about half-way through Niflheim, give or take a few floors. Even then, even now, that wasn't enough. I wanted this to be the final floor, I wanted this to be my exit out of this place.

'_What an impatient one._'

Shaking my head furiously, I clenched my fists tightly. It was as if he was just toying with my mind, trying to find out my limits.

"Give me your name. Not just your position, but your true name!" I snarled into the air.

By now the air around the platforms had turned into an eerie cold presence. I had to make my way to the next floor, so I began my walk. It felt like all I was doing was walking in circles, over and over. Sometimes I wanted to turn back and just give up. But that wouldn't be the answer. It took five minutes before the voice had answered back my previous question.

'_And what benefits do I receive from that bargain?_'

"The deal of me not ripping you to shreds when I find you." I snarled under my breath, hand firmly upon the sword at my side. Each step I took caused un-surety to rush throughout me. What if I never found the exit? What if I died down here? What would become of Cruxis, of Yggdrasill? Of everyone?

'_For a cool-headed seraphim, you have a very bad temper._'

"St-top! I don't care what you have to say about me!" I made clear, glancing upward and raising my voice. Blinking for a few seconds, I continued onward, trying to hurry my pace. Step, step step. How many steps has it been since I arrived? Grunting under my breath, I turned left onto the next platform.

'_Then you'll obviously not care about who I am, and for that fact the answers to your other questions…_'

"This is pointless! I'm going to get out of here and forget this ever happened!" I told the voice angrily. It seemed like that the longer he waited to answer my questions, the more anger filled me. And with that anger came a looming darkness that I wish I could cast away so freely.

'_And cut yourself again?_'

"Shut up." I growled, as blood rushed tensely through my veins. I had to forget. I wouldn't be allowed to be corrupted this easily by someone who was a stranger to my heart. I had to stay strong and find a way out of here.

'_That isn't very Kratos like, now is it?_'

"Silence!" Who was he to tell me how I was like? Clutching the sword tightly, I hurried my velocity, trying to reach the platform that seemed to be non-existence in this level.

'_Don't deny the urges you have. In the end, it's all for vain._'

"I don't care!" I hollered. Finally, after what felt like the hours of walking and talking aimlessly, I had found the glowing platform beyond. A sly snicker fell upon my lips as I hurried forth, and stepped upon the brilliant opaque light.

I would have made note of the feeling of transportation, but by now I was used to it. It was always the same, time after time.

"Where am I...?"

I was standing near a cliff, in a field somewhere. I ran forward, and found myself facing down four familiar figures. Three of which I knew far too well, and one I had learned to despise.

"M-M-artel! You... you human..." Mithos had cursed angrily, holding the limp figure of his sister in his hands. There she laid, so weak and pale. It was like all her life had been drained from her the instant she had fallen dead. Gulping, I watched as myself had stepped forward from Mithos's side, pointing a blade at the killer who stood proudly.

"How far you willing to go to control the mana?" I had demanded, slashing the sword angrily in the air to prove as a threat.

"Worthless…" Yuan began as he watched the killer smirk and flee. Anger flashed in his eyes before Mithos had grabbed him back from charging after him. Setting Martel down lightly on the ground, Mithos turned to his sister.

"Martel... I promise you I'll be back... Martel…" Mithos whispered softly, before turning to the path the killer had taken, and following in hot pursuit. Another moment passed before my former spectrum had glanced over at Yuan who was now on his knees, over his dead fiancée.

"M-Martel... " He began. choking on his own words. No tears fell from his eyes, and I wasn't quite sure how long that act would last.

"Yuan, are you all right?" My apparition asked, taking a step closer to the weak half-elf. Another moment passed by slowly before Yuan had rose his head from Martel's body, bearing an angry glare.

"Shut up!" He hissed to my former self.

"What?…" By now I had remembered being beyond confused. Everything I thought had made sense seemed to fall apart right in front of me. What I didn't know back then was that when your true love dies, it fills you with a large void of emptiness. A feeling of loss and despair, and bitter anger. A feeling I had once Anna had departed.

"You don't care what happened to her, or what happens to me. So leave now, go back and live among the filthy race you are!" Yuan demanded, pointing his arm in the direction of the path Mithos had taken.

"What gives you the idea that I don't care?" I had asked, kneeling beside him. Yuan growled before grabbing for his Swallow and pointing it directly at me.

"Just leave!" Yuan demanded once more, frustration filling his soul.

"Yuan, I know everything is confusing right now, but violence isn't the answer." I warned, attempting to push his blade down. Yuan set it down and then shook his head violently as the strands of blue hair fell liquidly onto his shoulders.

"How can you know? You didn't just lose the love of your life!" Yuan spoke, looking down at Martel.

... The thing was, after that day, I did lose the love of my life. Yuan lost his true soul after Martel died, and now he's just living as cold being, not understanding how to live on.

"Yuan, that doesn't matter. Let me help-" I began, extending a hand to his shoulder. However, he had slapped it away and caused me to jerk backwards uneasily.

"You could never help. Now go!" Yuan answered cruelly.

"What are you planning to do then?" I asked in a soft whisper. Right now I was unsure about everything. Even unsure about myself.

"... I'm going to sit in vigil for Martel. She deserved much more than she received." Yuan spoke bitterly, looking down at Martel once more. Every time he spared a glance, his gaze was instantly overcome by anguish and woe.

"You're going to sit out here, in the cold night, alone?" I asked weakly, watching Yuan begin to shake.

"Yes..." Was all he replied with.

"Then allow me to accompany you." I offered. Yuan stopped for a moment then glanced at me with utter confusion.

"Why?" He spoke, more so startled than angered at first.

"I was her friend too, was I not?" I had began. Yuan bit down his lip and glared downward for a moment. Another minute passed before he starred me directly in the eye, anger flashing in those distant emerald eyes.

"You're.. just a human who has no heart!" Yuan spoke harshly.

"Please relax Yuan, Martel wouldn't want you to be upset." I spoke, trying to get the suffering half-elf to relax. But it work to no avail.

"You have no place to talk! You didn't know her like I did." Yuan spoke rapidly, holding Martel's numb body in his arms. It was then when tears began to fall from his eyes and he buried his face into her neck, silently weeping.

"Yuan... Why are you crying?" I asked nervously, moving a bit closer to him.

"When... you lose someone you love... you cry." Yuan choked on his words as he kept his head buried against her neck.

"..." I had nothing to respond with. Just watching Yuan in pain caused me pain also. It was as if our hearts and feeling were connected in some unearthly manor.

"And now... Now I just want to be alone, Kratos." Yuan suddenly spoke, tilting his head so he could face me, and yet still cling tightly onto his lost lover.

"I don't want you to be alone. Martel wouldn't either." I spoke reassuringly. Unknowingly, I was longing to be there for him. I wanted to make sure he was all right, and I didn't want him to suffer alone. Just remembering the pain of losing Anna, now makes me realize how unbearable it must had been for Yuan.

"There's no point in life anymore... She's gone. What is left for me?" Yuan spoke, placing her body on the ground as the sun slowly set beneath the hills. Tears still fell from his eyes as he looked out onto the mountains longingly.

"That I do not know. I am still trying to find my purpose in life also. But all we can do now is mourn and take life as it is given." I answered softly, hugging my knees to my body. It felt nice to be next to Yuan at this moment in time.

"I don't want to live without her... I really don't." Yuan whispered back, burying his face into his knees before him.

"You should live on, remembering her. When you remember what she was like, it's like she is living once more. Living and Breathing. When you remember, you will always be with her." I spoke, placing a hand on Yuan's shoulder. Yuan turned his head, tears still streaming from his eyes.

"How... can you know this? How can humans be so..." Yuan began but I cut him off with a gentle smile.

"Not all humans share the same barbaric greed."

Yuan glanced downward, then back out at the sunset.

"Kratos?..." Yuan suddenly called out, looking over at me. I glanced back over at him to see the tears slowly starting to fade.

"Yes?" I answered weakly.

"Thanks... for everything." He whispered.

And everything slowly went black.

"..."

I was left there, on the warp pad of Niflheim. I wasn't quite sure how I felt after watching that recollection. It was as if my mind and heart were filled with anger and despair. A feeling of forgiveness to Yuan, and yet an undying anger towards him as well. He didn't realize how much he had effected me. No matter what I tried, I couldn't overcome the secret. No matter how I told myself I felt, I would always feel the same. And maybe that was what hurt the most. Knowing that I could never make this feeling of love go away.

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((**Meowzy**: And yet another awesome chappie by **Katandshadow**! -_applauds_-)) 


	13. Yuan's double life

((A/N: **Meowzy:** -_sigh_- Because I couldn't log into my account, the upload schedule has been messed up... So I think the next update will be... thursday? Anyway, this was a rather nice chapter for me to write. Gives a bit more insight on the Renegade bizz. Enjoy!))

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Chapter thirteen: Yuan's P.O.V.

It took me a very long time before I managed to pull myself together again. Mentally scolding myself for turning into an emotional wreck, I staggered to my feet. The evil presence hadn't spoken to me for quite a while now, but I knew it was still there. That it'd been watching…

"You bastard! When I get out of here, I'll rip this book to pieces! I'll shred it into such tiny little bits, they'd need a microscope to find them again!" I shouted furiously, anger pumping through my veins.

'_Ah, look. The half-breed shows some backbone._' The voice taunted. '_You'd think that if he truly possessed such strength, he'd have admitted to his friend by now._'

"Admitted?" I repeated, scowling dangerously. "Admitted what? That he's a bastard? I'm pretty sure I've told him that a million times by now."

This was true, after all. Ever since I'd woken up in that hotel room, I had continuously told Kratos I loathed him. And I meant that, right?

'_You think that human is ignorant, yet you're not even sure of your own feelings? Some might call that hypocritical._'

"Some might call you annoying." I snapped back, stomping forward, across the fifth floor of Niflheim.

'_Did I strike a nerve?_' the voice asked innocently.

"You've been striking nerves since you first spoke to me."

Left, forward, left, right… Amazing how such a large space could exist in a normal book. It had to be really advanced magic.

'_Niflheim doesn't often get visitors. Don't deny me my… fun._'

There was a strange form of amusement in the voice. Almost like lust. Whoever or whatever I was talking to, it sure seemed to enjoy messing with people's minds. As I reached a dead end, I turned back to try another platform.

"You won't be having any more fun when this thing goes up in flames." I said, already looking forward to throwing this book into a large campfire.

'_You're awfully confident. If you're so tough, then why did you allow so many mistakes into your life?_'

"W-what?"

'_Why did you allow your fiancée and unborn child to die? Why couldn't you prevent that boy, Mithos, from carrying out his plans? Why didn't you succeed in persuading your human friend to join you? And why are you in this predicament right now? Do you know, for a fact, he won't betray you and tell your boss about you, the second you leave this book?_'

I froze in my steps, completely at loss for words. Yes, all this time I acted tough. Like the unwavering leader of the Renegades. But when it really came down to it, I couldn't do anything after all. I had failed in too many things.

'_Your next trial awaits._'

In the blink of an eye, I saw a teleporterpad flashing eerily a few platforms ahead of me. Clenching my fists in determination, I stepped towards it. The sooner I'd get this over with, the better.

"Off to the sixth floor." I mumbled absentmindedly, as the surroundings disappeared once again. The feeling associated with 'teleporting' into a memory remained odd, and I faintly hoped this would be the last time I'd feel it.

I was suddenly forced to blink furiously, as bright sunlight hit my eyes. It was quite a change from the dark insides of Niflheim. After a few seconds, my vision had finally adjusted to the sudden change of lighting, and I noticed I was standing outside a small church, set on top of a hill. Glancing around, I recognized the mountains behind me, and the ocean in front of me. This was where Meltokio would be built. And this church… was the very first church of Martel. It was also the main reason Meltokio changed into the capitol of Tethe'alla.

Walking up the path leading to the church were two men. Kratos and myself. The human placed a hand against the large wooden door, and pushed it open, allowing my past self to enter. Not wasting any time, I hurried in after them. Not that I couldn't have gone through the wall… It was just a reflex.

"So, this is it then? The first church of Martel?" I heard myself say. The half-elf was glancing around absentmindedly, taking in every detail of the architecture.

"It would appear so." Kratos let go of the door again, and it fell shut with a loud thud. "Are you anxious?"

It seemed like an odd thing to ask at the time. And it still was now. Sometimes, I wondered what was going on in Kratos's human mind.

"Why would I be? This is what we've been striving for, isn't it?" I retorted. Yes, we'd just followed Mithos's orders without question. It seemed I was the only one who had second thoughts. And I had used this conversation to try and discover Kratos's opinion on the matter.

"That's true and all, but aren't you at all worried that it won't meet up to your aspirations?" he asked.

My past self, who had been staring out the tinted windows, turned back to gaze at his companion.

"I was under the impression my aspirations didn't matter. It _is_ Mithos's idea, afterall."

"If that is how you feel, I have no objections." Kratos said.

"You moron…" I muttered, shaking my head sadly. How dense could one be? My past self was thinking along the same lines, though his face didn't show it.

"It's quite marvelous, don't you think?" the human continued, glancing around again.

"This church… Does it really do Martel justice? Or is it a disgrace on her memory?" the half-elf let out a heavy sigh as he sat down on a wooden bench. It was time to resort to heavy drama, obviously.

"If you look at it as a whole, then it is very fitting for her memory. And besides, all that really matters is how you remember her."

"Ah, yes. I guess." My past self resorted to gazing around absentmindedly again, deep in thought. I did the same. I'd forgotten how the small the church used to be. It had grown three times in size by now.

"Is something on your mind?" Kratos asked, staring down at his companion.

"Would Martel really have wanted this?" the half-elf tried again. He fought so desperately to try and make Kratos understand… It was all in vain.

"She may have not wanted it, but it is in our best interests to respect her. And if that means assembling a church in her memory, so be it."

"In our best interest to respect her?" the man repeated, raising an eyebrow. "Or do you mean that it would be in our best interest to follow Mithos's absurd ideas?"

"Where is this coming from? Of course it is in our best interest to respect her, and by that we follow Mithos's ideas. In the end, he wants the same thing as we do." Kratos frowned slightly.

"Then you don't think he's.. mistaken with this 'age of lifeless beings'?" I had asked, glancing up at him.

This was it. Kratos's last chance. The last hint I would toss in his direction, before giving up.

"Ofcourse not." the human replied bluntly.

As my past self groaned mentally, staring at the floor, I myself groaned vocally. Not that anyone would hear… How could any sentient being be so slow? Maybe I should have done something drastic. Maybe I should have shouted at him, and forced him to see things my way. But instead, I did nothing.

"I see." The half-elf looked up again, a painful smile on his face. "Let's continue this inspection then." And with that, he got to his feet and continued to walk down the aisle.

"All right." Kratos threw me a suspicious glance, before following.

As I watched the two men walk off, I noticed that the scenery was suddenly blacking out again. But instead of ending up at Niflheim, I found myself standing in my office, at the Triet base. Though there was something wrong with it. Certain things were missing. The book cabinets were more than half empty. Another memory?

The door opened with a hiss, as a Renegade entered, followed by myself.

"-And this is the main office, befitting the leader of the Renegades. There is a bedroom included, should you wish to spend the night here." The Renegade approached the door on the other side of the office, and opened it by touching the control panel. "And the warp pad in the back leads to a bathroom."

"I see…" My past self muttered, taking in all the surroundings.

"There is a communications device on the desk, should you wish to address all the Renegades in the base. Also, the main computer here can-"

As the Renegade continued with a lot of technical lingo, I phased out and glanced around the office again. Yes, this was the time when we'd just finished building the base. The Renegades had done most of the work for me, as I had been busy with Cruxis matters at the time. I hadn't seen the base until it was properly finished. And judging from the look on my face, I seemed a bit awestruck.

"And that is all, sir." The Renegade gave a quick salute, as he'd finished his tour.

"Very well. I would assume the Renegades are eager to get started, so I'd like you to begin spreading our agents throughout the human ranches. It's time to start our infiltration process." I ordered.

"Yes sir." The Renegade saluted once more, and left, leaving my past self to wander his new office.

Ah, I didn't seem very nice. But then again, why should you be nice to your subordinates? I didn't bother to get close to them. Allow them to get to know me. They were just pawns, afterall. The only one I would remotely befriend would be the subcommander. The subcommander was in charge of everything while I was absent, and I needed to make sure I could trust him.

The Renegades _did_ know that I was an angel of Cruxis. Ofcourse they knew. It wouldn't go unnoticed that their leader never aged. But naturally, details weren't spent on them. And they didn't dare confront me about it. Though there was the occasional time when a nervous rookie would approach me, and ask if he could see my wings. If the rumors were true. I never hesitated to comply, before striding off again, leaving a shocked Renegade behind.

I turned as I heard a sliding sound. My past self had opened the door to the bedroom once again, and stared inside with a sigh. I followed his gaze. There were two beds. There always had been two beds. I wasn't sure why. The decorator might've thought it was funny, but I'd never gotten the heart to get rid of it. A little spark of hope remained, that Kratos might one day change his mind. If only he'd said that he didn't agree with Mithos either. Then I would have told him about my plans. He could've become subcommander, or maybe even my partner. We could've shared the office. But as it stood now, that bed was just a painful reminder of my failure.

Closing the door again, my past self wandered over to the desk, and sat down behind it for the first time, glancing around listlessly. He picked up the microphone of the communications device, to make a public announcement.

"This is your leader speaking. I'd like to announce that after years of hard work, the Renegades are finally ready for business. Whether it be to avenge a fallen friend or relative, or just to set things right again, I hope you will all do your best. It will not be easy, but we must fight for the sake of the worlds."

Shutting off the communications device, the new Renegade leader let out another sigh. He leaned back in his chair, folding his arms. The great lord Yuan wasn't as careless as he appeared to be.

'_But which Yuan is the real Yuan?_' Asked the demonic voice, as everything blacked out again, and I arrived on the sixth floor. The blue platforms were gleaming eerily, as usual.

"What?"

'_Lord Yuan, seraph of Cruxis? Or lord Yuan, leader of the Renegades?_'

"… Does it matter?" I asked, frowning lightly.

'_Or maybe neither of them. Maybe the real Yuan died a long time ago?_' the voice continued, avoiding my question.

"I-I…"

'_Perhaps the real Yuan is still alive somewhere? Wishing to be found?_'

"Be quiet." I snarled, beginning to walk. A shiver ran down my spine. It was because of the continuous feeling of being watched. Eyes pricking in my back, even though there nobody in sight.

'_But who could find the real Yuan? He won't let anybody access his heart anymore, afterall. After she died…_'

"Shut up." I murmured, not pausing my forceful stride.

'_So meanwhile, the fake Yuan's will continue to make their mistakes. They will both die. And when they do, they'll take the real Yuan with them._'

I froze in my steps. The demon had a point. Afterall, due to Kratos's interference, Yuan of the Renegades and Yuan of Cruxis had crashed. It meant the downfall for both of them. Unless, ofcourse, Kratos would keep his mouth shut. If the human could just find it in his heart to once again be the man who saved me from a group of Sylvarant soldiers. The man who promised me he wouldn't let me die during a thunderstorm. The man who comforted me when Martel died. The real Kratos.

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((**Meowzy:** Oh, like you never wondered why Yuan has two beds in his bedroom? Or where that teleporter-like thing in the back leads to? And ofcourse, you realise that since Kratos wasn't there that second memory, he'll be getting a different one? But which one? You'll have to wait for **Katandshadow**'s chapter!)) 


	14. Kratos' meeting

((A/N: **Katandshadow:** Well, the chapter is sort of late because my hotmail was being mean and my pc wouldn't let me send **Meowzy** the chapter. We tried everything! But here it is! And by the way, Cam Clarke is the king of Niflheim. Hehe ok maybe not.

**Meowzy:** We're just lucky we work ahead on chapters, so we could still upload this one on time. Eheheh.))

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Chapter fourteen: Kratos's P.O.V.

As I passed onward to the next platform that would lead me further on, something inside me clenched my heart painfully. Wincing, I stopped dead in my tracks and glanced around the ever expanding Niflheim. This level looked rather large, far more complex than the previous.

Sighing miserably, I continued on, but with a slower pace for the pain in my chest did not throb as strongly. As I walked, I felt a cold, icy feeling on the back of my neck. Blinking, I paused and glanced around. Words were dancing upon my lips but I said nothing, just complete silence.

'_Are you… cold?_'

Turning my attention back to the dark void of a sky, I grunted. Blinking a few more times, I continued, as if I heard nothing. But as I continued to walk the feeling of an incredible cold crept upon me. Grinding my teeth irritably against one another, I stopped and shot an angered gaze straight ahead, trying to find where I was going next.

'_Does it feel nice to be able to feel?_'

"I don't feel the need to answer such a foolish question," I murmured, letting a sigh escape my already parted lips and then glanced ahead once more, and took the right path, hoping this level would be over soon. "And besides, it is irrelevant."

'_Is it really? If you think feeling is irrelevant, then you should have never fallen in love._'

By now my heart had stopped and I froze on the icy blue platform beneath me. And already my whole body was an unbearable cold. My breathing became rapid as I closed my eyes painfully, now practically on my knees, trying to make it go away.

"Wh-hat do you mean, fall in love?" I stammered, trying to project the strong physic I usually had.

'_If you can't answer that, then you really are pathetic. You are admitting you've loved more than once, and people don't like that kind of behaviour. Especially when that love is directed at-_' the voice had began but I growled increasingly louder.

"I know what you're going to say, and it's not as it appears. You have no clue how I feel towards him, or how I felt towards Anna." I spoke harshly, dim stars glittering in my garnet eyes.

'_Funny you should mention her…_'

Everything around me slowly became dark, and a fierce cold, as if I was stuck in some unbearable freezing temperature. Something far below zero for that fact… Something unearthly.

I clenched my arms tightly against my body until light poured into my vision, and I was left with a feeling of emptiness as I arose to my feet and glanced ahead, the cold subsiding. I was standing outside a small church, set on top of a hill. Gazing around slowly, I recognized the mountains behind me, and the ocean in front of me. This was where Meltokio would be built in the future. And before me was the Church of Martel, the first Church of Martel for that matter.

Blinking a few times, I slowly recapped on how Meltokio had become Teth'alla's capital and the war that raged on that land over the church. Just as I had gotten deep in thought over a memory, I noticed myself and Yuan come trailing up the path that lead inside the church. I instantly stopped my absentminded thinking and watched them enter the church with my lead. Hurriedly, I followed inside behind them, slowly starting to remember this day.

"So this is it then? The first church of Martel?" Yuan had spoken.

I was quite confused why he had no awe or amazement in his voice. It sounded to me more like a soft whisper or a sigh of regret. After he had spoken, he began to glance around, taking in the details as if he was just searching for some imperfection to complain about.

"It would appear so." I heard myself answer in a low grumble and walk beside Yuan. His voice was rather quiet so I cleared my throat and continued. "Are you anxious?" I asked, taking in his jittery disposition.

"Why would I be? This is what we've been striving for, isn't it?" Yuan retorted with that smug expression on his face.

Instantly, I knew exactly was hidden behind those emerald eyes. Countless years of hurt, betrayal, and a need to break away and just hide from the world. I could see all his attentions countless thousands of years ago, and I could still clearly make them out now.

"That's true and all, but aren't you at all worried that it won't meet up to your aspirations?" I asked curiously, trying my best to avoid the topic of Mithos. I had planned on breaking away, but other difficulties presented themselves as issues, so I was incapable of betrayal at this current time.

Yuan glanced away from the window back up at me. "I was under the impression my aspirations didn't matter. It _is_ Mithos's idea after all." He spoke slowly, trying to make himself believe what he was saying. Even a stranger could tell the struggle in his words.

"If that is how you feel, I have no objections." And still we wandered into the topic of Mithos. I didn't want him to confront me on his plans, so I tried to change the subject once more. "It's quite marvelous, don't you think?"

"This church… Does it really do Martel justice? Or is it a disgrace on her memory?" As he spoke, I could tell he was fitting back tears of pain and frustration. No matter what I said, he always went back to the issue I was trying to avoid. It was as if he knew it was killing me.

"If you look at it as a whole, then it is very fitting for her memory. And besides, all that really matters is how you remember her." I answered, gazing at Yuan softly.

"Ah, yes. I guess." Yuan murmured once more.

"Is something on your mind?" I asked, after moments of silence.

"Would Martel really have wanted this?" Yuan attempted, starring me intently in the eye.

I had to look away to try and keep the intense stare off me. Ever since he had lost Martel, he had become quite anti-social to anyone besides myself.

"She may have not wanted it, but it is in our best interest to respect her. And if that means assembling a church in her memory, so be it." I answered brisk fully.

And it was almost as if Yuan wanted to storm out. It was as if he seriously thought I was being dense and not catching on. Me, of all people.

"In our best interest to respect her?" Yuan asked, furrowing his blue eyebrow. "Or do you mean that it would be in our best interest to follow Mithos's absurd ideas?" Yuan finished, trying to look me in the eye. But I couldn't, I just couldn't.

"Where is this coming from? Of course it is in our best interest to respect her. And by that we follow Mithos's ideas. In the end, he wants the same thing as we do." I frowned a bit. I didn't want to broach this subject at all.

"Then you don't think he's.. mistaken with this 'age of lifeless beings'?" Yuan asked, trying to glare at me. I gulped and looked downward.

He was giving me a chance, a chance to stop Mithos. At the time I thought he was just going to break away from Cruxis, but he did so much more. And I rejected the hidden offer in an abrupt manor because... I was afraid. I was afraid of having eternity to spend with him. With only him... If I sided with him, we'd be together, working forever. And I wasn't sure if I could control my mind or actions... I couldn't let myself be known, so regrettably I said no. I made him hate me to protect him.

"Ofcourse not." I mumbled, after much self arguing.

Everything just melted after I had spoken. And now everything was black around me. Grunting, I closed my eyes and tried to block it all out. This was such a trivial trial, there was no point in viewing these, I told myself over and over. But as I began to think, a fiery burning intensity overcame. Wincing, I tried to shake it off before a light blue light filtered through my eyes and I snapped them open. I was standing on a cliff in the Iselia forest, near the road that led upwards to the Human ranch.

"What the.." I whispered aloud before I noticed myself walking up the path, almost in a waltz. The heat melted away, and I followed eagerly.

"I'm sorry!"

The voice filled my mind and I literally fell onto my knees and clasped my hands over my ears. No. No. No! I would not be subjected to this kind of torture. Not again. I promised myself I would never think about her face again. It hurt too much. And now her sweet voice was filling my ears as the image slowly burned itself into my mind. Even as my eyes were closed, I could see it. It was as if I was forced to view this.

"That's all right." I spoke softly, picking up the brick and moving it onto the wall that led down the path in the back of the ranch. The human smiled lightly at me, her brown hair gently glistening in the sun, lightly coated in sweat.

"It's my fault. I should have been looking where I was going. I hope I didn't hurt you!" Her words became nervous stammers as she hurried to fix the brick perfectly on the wall.

My past self arched an eyebrow and walked over. "I said it's all right. What are you doing anyhow?" I asked curiously, watching her continue to pile bricks on the wall.

"Building a wall... I shouldn't really be talking to you. I don't want you to be punished by Kvar." She spoke, wincing in pain at the mention of the name. She slammed another brick onto the wall and I swayed restlessly on my feet, just watching her work.

"Don't worry about that. So I take it you're a slave?" I asked, continuing to watch her.

She paused and then glanced up at me with that priceless look. "If you don't mind me asking, who are you?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Just a simple swordsman. No one of importance. Now would you mind answering my question?" I asked.

She blushed a light red and then shook her head sadly. "Yes, my name is Anna... It's honestly the only thing I've got left. I refuse to call myself host number whatever." She spoke softly, placing another brick onto the wall and making another loud thud.

"I see." I spoke.

She paused once more and starred back at me. "Aren't you going to give me your name in return?" She asked curiously, puffing out her bottom lip curiously.

"Kratos." Was all I said, almost in a soft tone.

"Ok then Mr. Kratos, I have to get back to work before Kvar sees me. But thanks for helping me with that brick back there."

She paused once more and bent over. Curious once more, I watched her pick a flower by the side of the wall and hand it to me. "It's not much, but I want you to keep it."

"Why?" I asked, rather rudely.

"It's a lilac. It's supposed to protect warriors from injuries. And besides, it's the only thing I could do to show my gratitude." Anna explained, with a light smile.

"In that case... thanks." It was a word I rarely spoke.

The flashback ended rather quickly as I was left with her smile burned into my vision. Snapping awake in front of the portal to the next floor, I sighed and arose to my feet. My knees were shaking immensely and I found it hard to stand. Gulping, I glanced around and breathed in hard.

"Why... Why me..." Was all I said. I was forced to watch the best days of my life, the best days of Yuan's life, and all in vain. It was just for the sake of remembering, right?

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((**Katandshadow:** Yea, it's short, so sue me. Wait, don't sue me! Anyways, the next chapter will be a very emotional Kratos chapter. I bet you so can't guess it! Anyways thanks for the reviews and see you later!)) 

((**Meowzy:** -_sobbing into a hanky_- 'I made him hate me to protect him!' That's so saaad! -_sob sob_- Looks like Kratos isn't as dense as Yuan thought he was. Hey, thanks for reviewing everyone!))


	15. Yuan's jealousy

((A/N: **Meowzy:** Me again! Heh. Well, this chapter isn't really what it could've been, but... I tried my best. So I hope you'll enjoy.))

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Chapter fifteen: Yuan's P.O.V.

Gulping nervously, I continued my trek through Niflheim. This place was starting to get to me. I was getting tired already, but there could still be many more floors ahead of me. Forfeiting was not an option.

'_Ofcourse, if you were to give up, I might grant you a peaceful death. And you could rejoin your fiancée._' The voice commented, somehow reading my mind again.

"I can't give up and die. I have too much left to do." I responded simply.

'_Like lead your Renegades in a losing battle?_'

"We will not lose." I snapped, taking a right turn. Yes, we had to fight to save the world. If we weren't there to stop the Desians, then who would?

'_You will lose. Trust me. Your Renegades will be found, and destroyed._'

"Shut up."

Ah, two directions in front of me. Left, or keep walking forward… I decided to go left again. The endless maze of Niflheim… Yet I had the strange feeling that I would only find the teleporter pad when the demon wanted me to.

'_Afraid of the truth?_'

"The future can't be determined. I will create my own fate. And if the Renegades truly are destroyed, then so be it. But I won't give up the fight."

'_Such interesting determinedness. You act like nothing can phase you. But we've already seen that that's not true._'

"…"

I continued to walk, wondering what this demon was getting at. Our conversations always ended up going in circles somehow.

'_Plus, you have one great weakness._'

"Doesn't everyone?" I countered, not caring one bit what this 'weakness' could be.

'_Ah, good point. Though I have yet to discover mine._' The voice admitted.

I snorted slightly, taking a right turn to enter a new platform. It was a dead end. Cursing mentally, I turned around to go back the way I came, and noticed that a teleporter had appeared there.

'_Your next trial awaits._'

Well, that sure confirmed my theory about the demon influencing the appearance of the teleporter… Determination filling my senses, I rushed over to it. With the rate Niflheim had been rushing through memories, it had to be over soon, right? There couldn't be that much more left, could there?

'_I'm sure you'll enjoy this one._' The voice said in an amused tone, right before Niflheim faded out.

I immediately found myself surrounded by chaos. Standing in front of me was a crowd of Desians. They were all anxious, and some of them were shouting. They were obviously grouped around something. This memory… It couldn't be, right? In front of me, the direction the Desians were facing, was a cliff. I glanced back to see the edge of a forest. Somewhere in the bushes, my past self was hiding. Secretly watching the scene.

I hurried forward, passing through the group of Desians like some sort of spirit, and my suspicions about this memory were confirmed. Standing with his back to me was Kratos, his sword drawn and at the ready. But the human seemed frozen, as he faced a large monster in front of him. A large monster that was once his wife. The Exbelua seemed to have lost control over itself, and was clutching its head in anger and confusion.

"Don't be afraid! Just get that damn exsphere back!" shouted a man.

I turned left to see Kvar, one of the grand cardinals I despised the most. Then, my eyes glanced over to the right, where Noishe was sitting, guarding a small brown-haired boy with his life. Between his jaws was a small, purple exsphere. One the creature had stolen from Kvar just moments before.

The Desians hesitated. If they wanted to get to Noishe, they'd have to pass by the Exbelua, that was still caught in confusion.

"You morons! Hurry!" Kvar called impatiently.

A few Desians stepped forward, and Anna immediately looked up. She quickly sent them all flying with one swing of her large arm. The others swiftly took a step back, fearing their lives. Still, Kratos remained frozen on the spot, unsure of what to do.

Just then, Anna regained herself for a bit. A strained, weak voice left her.

"Kratos, please... I want you to… kill me."

This monster… It used to be an innocent woman. But now it was just a creature filled with pain and regret. This was another reason why Mithos had to be stopped. To prevent things like this from existing.

"I… I can't!" Kratos called, still clutching his sword.

I couldn't help but sympathise with the human. Nobody should be forced to go through something like this.

"You have to! Before I… Before I lose control completely. Please…" Anna pleaded.

"…"

Kratos stared at his sword indecisively, as the Desians slowly approached them again. Anna suddenly made a strange, unearthly sound before turning to face Noishe and the little boy. She had lost herself in rage again.

"No!"

Kratos's shout went in vain, as Noishe jumped up to block the Exbelua's blow. It fell to the ground with a slight howl. The little boy started to cry in fear, clutching to Noishe's fur. But it didn't get through to Anna anymore.

"I'm sorry!" Kratos called, charging towards the monster, his sword drawn. Anna turned her attention to him instead, but was too late to avoid the attack. Kratos's sword instantly pierced the mutated flesh, and blood dripped to the ground. He had stabbed Anna straight in the chest.

The Exbelua staggered backwards, mortally wounded. But as she did, she also got close to Noishe and the little boy. Too close. As she fell over the cliff, one of her long arms slammed into them. Kratos shouted in agony, as the three of them plummeted to their doom.

As I watched, only one thing came to my mind. Good riddance. But why? Was it because that woman was just a lowly slave, who had had the nerve to escape? Or because she was the one who convinced Kratos to oppose Cruxis, where I had failed? No, that wasn't all there was to it, was there?

"Now's our chance!" Kvar shouted suddenly, causing me to look up from my ponderings. The Desians were slowly starting to surround Kratos, drawing their swords.

"Kvar, you traitorous bastard!" the human shouted. His voice seemed… off. And were those tears running down his face? He was… crying?

"If anyone here is traitorous, it is _you_, Kratos Aurion!" Kvar retorted. "You three, come with me. We have to get down there and find that exsphere." Beckoning a few Desians to follow him, he walked off to find a path down the cliff.

But Kvar wasn't the only one who would be scaling the cliff. Making sure he wasn't seen, my past self swiftly made his way through the bushes too, and descended the cliff with the aid of his wings. I followed, not caring to see how Kratos would fare against the dozen Desians that were now attacking him.

Following the flow of the river, my past self had soon found out where the three had gone. Noishe had managed to pull the little boy out the water, and was now lying on the shore, completely exhausted. The Exbelua lay not too far away, her blood mixing with the river. I could tell she was still alive, due to her deep breathing.

Approaching the little boy, my past self pulled out a knife. But yet… he hesitated. This child was Kratos's offspring. The result of him mating with that tainted human girl. And still… I could not kill him. Something held me back that day. Would I still hesitate to kill the boy now? Probably not.

Then, I noticed it. In the boy's right hand… The exsphere that Kvar had wanted to so much, he had turned Anna into an Exbelua. The exsphere that was part of the Angelus project, and made especially for Yggdrasill. Noishe had managed to salvage it afterall, and left it in the boy's care. But my past self did not see it. He was too caught up in his hesitation.

A rustling sound made me look up again. Someone was approaching. Immediately pocketing the knife again, my past self extended his wings, and got ready to flee the scene.

"Pray that we do not meet again." He spat nastily, even though the unconscious boy could not hear.

Just as my past self disappeared from view, and the scene began to fade, I saw someone emerge from the bushes. A dwarf? But before I could identify the stranger better, I was already standing on the seventh floor of Niflheim.

Immediately, I noticed there was something odd here. Instead of the usual blue, the floors were a transparent red. What did that mean?

'_What did you think of that memory?_' the voice asked.

"What _should_ I think?" I retorted, tilting my head slightly. This memory would have affected Kratos a lot, but what did it have to do with me?

'_You can't even figure it out now? You are extremely dim-witted._'

"Why don't you explain it to me then?"

This was getting annoying. That voice just seemed intent on making a point. But what?

'_It wouldn't be a trial if I tell you. But if memories can't get it out of you, then perhaps it's time for a different approach._'

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((**Meowzy:** Oh dear! A different approach? What does that mean? I know...! But you won't find out till chapter 17! First is chapter 16. Kratos's P.O.V. on this... _tragedy_ with Anna. And I'm hoping **Katandshadow** will have finished the chapter by Thursday, since she's busy with school...)) 


	16. Kratos' fears

((A/N: **Katra: **Sorry for the EXTREME wait… like two months wait... like forever wait... ahem, sorry about that. Too many issues between computers and laptops.. and parents. Anyway SO incredibly sorry and hopefully I'll get back into the swing of things!All bow down to **Meowzy**.))

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Kratos's fears.

Dark, almost silent eyes continued to pass through the even more mortifying paths and chambers of Niflheim. Truly, this place was as malicious as it sounded. Turning my auburn head towards the next platform, a lowly sigh escaped my lips as I shuffled the already scarred hands into lilac pockets. Just for now at least.

"_Having fun yet_?"

There it was again. Cocking my head to the side lightly, I grumbled something incoherent before raising my blade threatening to the silence around me.

"Is this really some sort of game you're playing? If it is, bear in mind I'm not amused one bit." I grumbled angrily, as my left eye seemingly twitched.

"_Game? Do you want this to be a game?_"

Oh, how convenient that sounded. Scrunching my nose once more, I sheathed the blade and continued forth with the walking over the illuminated platforms. Step here, step there. Man was this getting tiresome. The same thing, every single time.

But for now all I could do was block out that nuisance of a voice and trudge forth. Even if it was speaking, I didn't hear it whatsoever. I was too indulged with my own self determination to spend a thought on what ever that voice was. Whether it be godly, human, or nothing of the sort.

Finally, the teleporter glittered in the distance as I hurried my pace to the platform, and took a restless step upon it. As I expected, the scenery rushed around me, flashing with trees and shrubbery, and then something different. People, lots of them were bearing cruel and sinister looks. Weapons in hand... it was actually quite terrifying.

And then the swirling stopped, and I was left standing weakly in some kind of cliffy clearing. It seemed unfamiliar, until the sounds of desperation and pain wracked through my ears like nothing before. Extreme pain... extreme sadness. Glancing ahead, I noticed a girl, running for her life clutching onto a bundle with her very being. Heart-dropping, I instantly knew what this was, and what was going on.

Crumbling to my shaky knees, darkness filtered into my eyes. Misery gripped at my bruised heart as I moved my left hand upwards to brush away the tiresome bangs flowing into my sight. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to relive this pain and heart-ache for a second time. Not again... anything to not be here right now. That was, of course until poor Anna transformed into the oh so familiar sight of the exbelua, and my past self staggered into sight, completely washed over with stun. A mirror image of my present self.

"Kratos, please... I want you to… kill me." Her begs rang through my past ears, and my present ones. A look of grief filtered into both our bodies as I scrambled to my feet, trying to block away the image. Anna... not again. Not again!

"I… I can't!" My past self called, still clutching his sword. He seemed so strong and yet so weak, identical to my current state of stun.

Clutching my sword painfully, I once more staggered to his feet, running forth. Anything to stop myself from killing the woman I loved. But that worked to no avail, as when I did try to complete the task, my desperate hands only went right through the illusion of the past.

"You have to! Before I… Before I lose control completely. Please…" Anna continued to beg, her living eyes flashing in that unfamiliar form

"…" I couldn't say anything, not now and not back then. Misery toyed with me countless times before. Just frustrating my very inner soul.

My past self stared at his sword wearily as the familiar forms of Desians slowly approached them again. It was then when the light of his life had murmured something incoherent and turned to the bundle wrapped on the ground, so defensively. As a reflex, I sprang forward, blade at ready, anything to save my son.

"No!"

My call was unheard when Noishe had stumbled forth and collected the boy in his grasp.

"I'm sorry!" My past self whispered as he sprang forward even more so, slicing with pity.

How horrible it was to take away the only love that was there for you. To kill the one person who accepted you with their heart. It made me feel incredibly weak back then, and even more so desperate now as misery flooded my heart as I crumbled back onto my knees.

"No…" I whispered, as tears began to fall down my face. Not Anna... not Lloyd… They had died. Breathing heavily, I turned away from the memory, trying to block it out. Anything to not relive this horror! But when I did reopen his eyes, I was sitting on knees in Niflheim again, just there on the platform. It wasn't real.. but it felt so.. there.

"No." I repeated, body shaking immensely.

"_Enjoyed it?_"

"You... sick son of a..." I began but felt too weak to finish my sentence. I had really lost the light of my life, the one person who accepted me. And as for Yuan... well, he'd never accept me, nor love me like Anna did.

No matter what I did down here or in the real world... I'd never get what I wanted.

"Get me out of here.." I grumbled, trying to control my fragile breathing.

"_And ruin the fun? Hah..._" The voice continued to taunt, oh so evilly.

"Just let me go..." And even now, more than ever, did I want to be out.

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((**Meowzy:** Phew... Well, next up is Yuan and the 'different approach' the mystery voice mentioned. Stay tuned!)) 


	17. Yuan's dreams

((A/N: **Meowzy:**My turn again! I finished this chapter months ago, but now I can finally upload it. Eeheeheeh. Thanks for all the reviews up to now, and enjoy!))

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Chapter seventeen: Yuan's P.O.V.

"A different approach?" I repeated.

That could mean anything. A battle perhaps? I was once again painfully reminded of the standard Renegade sword I still carried around with me. Would it be enough to fight whatever Niflheim would pit me against? It sure wasn't enough when I tried to battle Kratos in Torent forest…

'_Battle? You surface beings always resort to violence too easily._'

"Then what does this different approach entail?" I questioned.

'_Walk forward, and find out._'

Another teleporter appeared right in front of me.

"What, no walking this time? I'd say you are just as eager as me to get this over with." I said, smirking. The demon didn't respond.

Shrugging, I approached the teleporter. It seemed the same as any other. How would this be different? Would it be dangerous?

"This leads to the next floor?" I asked suspiciously.

'_Correct._'

Throwing caution in the wind, I stepped forward, and let the teleporter's light absorb me. Niflheim blackened out as usual. But where I ended up wasn't such a pleasant place at all. Everything seemed dark and gloomy. I couldn't see that far ahead of me, due to lack of light. But I knew that I was standing at the edge of a cliff. I looked down, but saw no end to the deep trench in front of me. Shadowy clouds that seemed to crackle with electricity raced overhead. This… was no memory, was it? Yet… it seemed familiar.

I turned around, trying to identify my surroundings. But was distracted by someone lying a few feet away. My eyes widened, and my heart seemed to stop beating in shock.

"Kratos!"

I ran over to the human, and pulled him into a sitting position. His ruby eyes opened, but they seemed distant and empty. As I retreated my right hand from his back, I noticed the blood that had spilled all over it. Blood that originated from a gaping wound, going straight through the human's chest, and was spreading all around him.

Letting out a loud scream, I dropped Kratos again. The man let out a faint cough, as the blood started to run down a corner of his mouth too.

"Why?" I asked, my voice breaking.

This feeling… I had felt it before. I felt it four thousand years ago. The day Martel died. The feeling that part of your soul was dying. That your heart was being shattered into a million pieces. The feeling… of losing the one you love. But why?

"This… is your fault." Kratos spoke hoarsely.

Glancing around, I noticed my trusty weapon lying a few feet away. The Swallow. It was covered in the human's blood.

"N-No!" I got to my feet again, backing away.

"You did this to me." Kratos said in an accusing voice.

"This… This isn't what I wanted!"

I tried to run away, but slammed into some sort of invisible wall. There was no escape. I had killed my companion, in the hopes of saving the world, and there was no way back. But it wasn't what I wanted afterall. I felt nothing but regret. Regret and sadness.

Just as I screamed out in pain, everything around me disappeared, and I appeared in Niflheim once more. But the image of Kratos lying in a pool of blood did not vanish, as beads of sweat ran down my body. I instantly fell to the ground as my knees gave way.

'_Did you recognise that little scene?_'

Yes. I _did_ recognise it. It was one of my reoccurring nightmares. I'd been having it for years. I thought that it meant nothing. That it was just part of the stress I suffered. What else could it be?

'_Dreams are considered to be a mirror of the soul, you know. They reflect your deepest fears, or most secret desires._'

"My… deepest fear…" I repeated shakily, staring at the ground. Did I really fear losing the human? Did I fear to kill him? It would explain why I often hesitated. Afterall, I had had many chances to end his life, but had hardly taken any of them.

'_Ofcourse, your dreams aren't all nightmares..._'

As the demon spoke, a glint of light caught my eye. I looked up to see another teleporter right in front of me. But did I dare to take it? What floor was I on now, anyway? Eight? Well, I wouldn't get any further by sitting here.

Taking a deep breath, I got to my feet again. This Niflheim trial was tiring. Too tiring. So it had better be over soon. Bracing myself, I stepped onto the teleporter. My surroundings vanished as usual, making way for another. It was a long, white hallway. Where was I? Inside Vinheim?

Feeling slightly uneasy, I started walking. My footsteps echoed off the lone walls. Anything could happen here… And I didn't remember this dream. Though, when one is four thousand years old, it's only logical that you'd encounter a dream you don't remember.

Suddenly, a door that seemed to appear out of nowhere on my left opened, and a hand roughly pulled me out of the hallway. I blinked in surprise, as I found myself being slammed against a wall, and the door closed again with a snap.

"K-Kratos?" I asked, watching the human lock the door. He turned to face me, and held a finger to his lips. A clear hint that I should be silent.

I glanced around faintly. This wasn't really a room. It was a… broomcloset. A darkened, musty, and pretty damn small broomcloset. I was suddenly painfully aware of how close the man was standing to me.

"Took you long enough. I thought you'd never leave that meeting room." Kratos whispered, smiling faintly.

"I… Uh…"

Kratos pushed me closer against the wall, placing both hands next to me. I was trapped. My heart started to beat at an incredible rate. Still, the human shortened the distance between us, until he was just inches away. A blush crept onto my face, as I felt his breath on my lips. What was he going to do to me?

Then, without warning, he suddenly leaned forward to place a kiss on my neck. What the hell? Still, I couldn't help but moan in delight, and tilt my head slightly. Kratos moved one of his hands to stroke it through my hair, and continued kissing me, his weight still pinning me against the wall. I got so caught up in the moment, I completely forgot this was just a dream. Not until the human tried to undo my pants was I reminded of that.

"W-What are you doing?" I asked, blushing furiously.

"Anything you want me to." Kratos replied sensually.

What was this feeling, stabbing into my heart? Lust? But… why? Kratos was my enemy, was he not? I should hate his guts. Yet… I didn't.

Then, it all fell into place. All this time, I thought the strong emotion I felt towards him was hate. But it wasn't. No, it was the same feeling I'd had for Martel.

'_Finally figured it out, have you?_'

Kratos and the broomcloset both disappeared, as the ninth floor of Niflheim materialised around me. I was slightly sad that the dream had ended so soon. But hoping to live in a dream world, and forgetting about the real thing, that is never good. I'd learned that a long time ago.

Yes, I'd figured it out. The meaning of the memories… The dreams… What Niflheim had been trying to tell me.

"I… love Kratos."

'_Bingo._'

Ofcourse, this only made things problematic. In this case, love would become a burden. I was sure he didn't feel the same way about me, and he was an obstacle in my quest for stopping Yggdrasill. An obstacle I would have to dispose of eventually. Could I go through with that, now that I'd realised I loved him? Perhaps I would have been better off not knowing. Then again, if I somehow didn't make it out of Niflheim alive, it wouldn't matter anyway.

'_And now I'd like to congratulate you on being the first to reach the ninth floor._'

"The first?"

'_All other challengers up to now had already ended their lives in misery on earlier floors. I must say, you are stronger than I expected._'

"W-what about Kratos? Did he make it to the ninth floor too?" I asked, stuttering slightly. I worried for the human's life.

'_Ah, but before now you kept hoping that your human companion would die in the Niflheim trial. Such a sudden change of heart._'

"Answer the question." I growled, clenching my fists.

'_You'll find out on the final floor. The last test of the Niflheim trial takes place there._'

In the blink of an eye, a teleporter appeared. It seemed to be slightly larger than the all the previous teleporters I had passed. The purple light it emitted made the red floor glow eerily.

"Oh? The final floor already?" I asked, smirking slightly. "So far, this 'trial' hasn't been all that bad."

'_Confident, aren't we?_' the demon sounded slightly amused. '_Very well. This is where we say goodbye. Either you die in the last test, or you manage to survive, and leave Niflheim.'_

"You can assume it will be the second option."

'_I wish you luck for the last trial. You will need it._'

Many thoughts flashed through my mind as I approached the teleporter. What would this final test be? Could it really be as bad as the demon portrayed it to be? And what had happened to Kratos? But, most importantly, how would things continue if we both managed to make it out of here alive? Our situation would never be the same. Placing one hand on my sword apprehensively, I stepped into the purple light, that would lead me to the tenth floor of Niflheim.

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((**Meowzy:** Ah yes... Implied lemon. And I have a thing for broomclosets. But what is the final trial? Wait for my next chapter to find out. In the meantime, **Katra** is working on her own next chapter, so stay tuned!)) 


	18. Kratos’ reveries

((A/N: **Kat:** It's Katra, with the next chapter. It's a ball of angst and fluff. So get those pitchforks.. and napkins ready? I am really strange... ))

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Chapter eighteen: Kratos's P.O.V.

'_Get up._'

"There's no point." I grumbled angrily, casting a look ahead at the ground beneath me.

My hands barely managed to grip their position on the floor without slipping. Basically, they were the only thing that was keeping my body hoisted off the ground. The only thing that kept me from collapsing right now, and losing it all to the darkness. That was, until I turned my head a bit to the right, askew perhaps, and noticed a glimmering platform. The portal...

'_So, you see the portal, why don't you go to it? I'm sure you'll get a... kick out of this one._'

"If it's anything like the past two... I'd rather not." I replied in a hoarse, shaky voice.

How could I remain calm and collective when I had just seen my wife die? And for that fact, see myself kill her? Besides, I had the right to break down. For once in my life, no one would ask me why. No one was here to see me this weak.

Chewing on my bottom lip, I pushed up with my right arm, to get myself situated, as I scrambled to my feet. Once there, I turned to the right, proceeding to the platform. I had come this far, I couldn't just give up.

'_So you do have a backbone, that's great. At least you'll be of use when you turn to the darkness, and come under my power._'

"As if that'll ever happen." I scoffed, trying to block the voice out.

Who knew what that fiend could use to manipulate. I had to stay strong, even if I knew I wasn't. Even if I knew was on the verge of losing my sanity. Putting on a fixed scowl, I stumbled onto the gleaming portal, taking a large sigh of relief. The scenery began to change as the voice filled all my senses. All of them.

'_Can you distinguish desire from reality?_'

I was about to press questions about the inquiry, but I hadn't the time when I was suddenly snapping open my eyes. Laying down. Wasn't I just standing? Blinking a few times, I moved my left hand, for it to be greeted with a silky material. Well, this was a nice change of scenery, even though I'm not much of a silk kind of person. Squinting my eyes slightly, I starred upward as it all sank in. Ok, I was in a bed. I was safe. Well, this wasn't so bad. This was actually pretty nice, right?

Wrong.

"Mmm... Kratos?"

Heart sinking farther than I actually thought was possible, I turned my auburn head to the side slightly to be greeted by a head full of azure hair, now nuzzling into my right shoulder. Sweat suddenly pouring down my face, I gripped the blankets beneath me painfully with my hands. What... is going on? Why is... how...

Breath quickening, I disdainfully glanced at the covers sheltering my body. Did I dare find out anymore? Curiosity catching the better of myself, I came to learn what I feared.

"... There's got to be a logical explanation for all of this." I told myself squarely, trying not to wake the peaceful, sleeping half-elf at my right.

A moment passed before he squirmed once more, now taking steady breaths as he further buried his pale face into my shoulder.

"K-Kratos?"

My head was going in circles when Yuan had addressed me. He was always more quiet, and kinder when he was just waking up. I tried to hide the look of... satisfaction on my face, but it bled through in a sly smirk. Quickly gritting my teeth to hide the grin, I was now equipped with the oddest look ever. Like I had just swallowed something of the disgusting sort.

"Yes?" I dared, still bearing the unexplainable look upon my usually so stern face.

"You're actually really gentle, you know that?" He was fully awakened now, and clinging to my arm, bearing a priceless look. He looked quite cute with that face in fact. Blinking away the thought, I gave a fake smile, trying to assess the situation. All I knew was that I was in bed... with Yuan. All the facts were all pointing at one thing. The inevitable.

"G-gentle?" I dared once more, furrowing my brows.

Gentle... right. I wasn't quite sure what Yuan meant until he lifted his head up a bit and then situated himself so he was now leaning on to my sitting up body. It was hard to explain... seeing my mind was in so many pieces.

"Y-Yuan? What are you doing?" I tried to keeping a straight face, but Yuan had bent over across my body, and placed a chaste kiss upon my struggling lips. Well, that was one way of answering the question. But not exactly what I was searching for.

"I love you, Kratos." Was all the odd-behaving half-elf stated before going back to clinging to my arm and laying there beside it, with the blanket still over his body. Gulping I glanced down at him and forced myself to not utter the words of devotion back. This just didn't' feel right... This wasn't Yuan at all... but... what I wanted him to be. How I wanted him to act towards me, like he did with Martel. This wasn't Yuan, this wasn't happening, I hadn't slept with him at all, this was all I figment of my imagination.

With that I was shot crashing down into a dark room. Not a floor of Nifhleim, nor something I recognized. I scrambled to my feet, once more, thankful I was now clothed, and glanced around restlessly. I had to be on my toes. The enemy must never be trusted, not for one second. A long moment passed in this vast darkness before a flicker, slightly brighter darkness addressed me.

'_Did I not inform you that you'd get a kick out of that?_'

"I don't see the point of showing me that." I growled, trying to find where the voice was in this endless black.

'_Don't bother looking, you'll never find me. And as for why? Well, don't deny. We both know how you felt the moment you woke up beside him, realizing you had just committed one of the sins of humans._'

"You don't understand anything." Was all I said. This thing wasn't human, so how could it understand human emotions, human feelings. "You're not human." I added in, to go along with my wavering thoughts.

'_Your little... friend isn't either. But does that change the desire you have for him?_'

"I'm tired of talking to you..." Was all I mumbled before the darkness began to fade and I was now standing near the remains of the Tower Of Salvation. Blinking, I shuffled my hands into my pockets. Either I was really safe, or this was another imagination tricks. Then again, why would I create a place like this because of my wants?

As if it couldn't be timed any more perfectly, a brunette came tumbling into scene. My heart rose a thousand beats. Lloyd, it was Lloyd. My son was here, I was safe, finally! Joyously, I ran towards him, only to be snapped backwards when I saw a pool of blood falling from his face and side as he laid there limply, on the verge of dieing. "L-loyd," I stammered, quickly bending down beside my son. I couldn't lose him like I lost Anna. Just like I couldn't lose Yuan. As if faith was just toying with me, the blunette slowly walked into scene, glancing at me.

"Yuan!" I stammered quickly. "Get help, Lloyd's wounded!" I demanded, throwing my arm in the direction of help.

However, a malicious grin spread across Yuan's face as he walked closer. "Kratos, Kratos, Kratos." Was all he said, still stepping closer to myself and my son. "Do you really think I'll help you save him?" Yuan inquired, pointing down at Lloyd.

My heart, once more, skipped a beat as I scrambled to my feet for a second time, squinting my eyes with rage. "What are you saying! You've got to help me!" I bellowed frantically.

"Stupid man..." Was all he said he suddenly came at me with his swallow. I quickly side-stepped it, and blinked in confusion. That was, until I saw the stained blood on the weapon. He... had done this to my son.

"You... I..." Anger rushed through me then quickly faltered.

Wait... this couldn't be happening. No, something wasn't right. Wouldn't Yuan be saying something along the lines of Yggdrasill or forgetting about his traitorous acts? Not concerned with my son and killing me for no apparent reason. This had to be another one of Niflheim's tricks. Smirking, I crossed my arms, still a bit terrified.

"This isn't real." I said bluntly as the room began to fade away.

I was once more standing on the new platform. The beginning of another floor. However, my attention was averted by the floor's odd colour. It was a blood red, and it seemed almost ominous.

'_You've made it this far, I'm surprised._'

"You shouldn't be... Humans aren't as weak as they perceive." I replied.

'_You've done well for atoning for your sins... And dealing with your painful desires. I am quite impressed. But... can you handle all of them combined?_'

"What?" I inquired, standing in spot.

'_This will be your last task, Kratos Aurion. If you survive this... Well.. No one ever does survive this. No one ever makes it this far. So don't be disappointed if you wake up and find yourself bound by shackles and chains… as a slave of the gods of Niflheim._'

"You underestimate me. Now let me take the last challenge and get out of here!" By now I was quite anxious to see Yuan. To tell him everything.

'_Well... when you're ready... step up. And prepare yourself to face the dark side of your heart._'

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((**Meowzy:** And another awesome chapter by Kat! It's my turn next. Oh dear...Well, I had like two months to work on that chapter, so I think it'll meet expectations. I hope so...)) 


	19. Yuan's battle

((A/N: **Meowzy:** My turn again! Yaaaay! Thanks for all the reviews up to now, and enjoy this action-packed chapter!))

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Chapter nineteen: Yuan's P.O.V.

Soon, the bright light had subsided, and I stepped forward. This was the tenth floor? It was quite unlike all the other floors I had encountered. It was more like a room than a floor. Dark purple walls surrounded the transparent, blood red floor. A strange aura filled this place. It seemed like pure evil had gathered here. And I felt like I was being watched. That is why I jumped slightly when I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. Drawing my sword, I whirled around to face…

"Kratos!"

The human was alive, and standing right in front of me! I'd never felt so happy to see him. Though I should've known he was too strong to be afflicted by something like Niflheim. But… what was that strange look on his face? It was like the true emotion in his eyes was hidden behind a veil. His expression was completely unreadable. But then again, maybe that's what I liked about Kratos. That you could never predict what he was thinking.

I quickly regained my posture, sheathing my sword again.

"I am glad that you are safe. We should leave this place." I spoke, trying to appear as arrogant as ever.

"I'm afraid only one of us will be leaving this place alive." The human drew his sword, and pointed it at my chest aggressively.

"W-what?"

"I will kill you, and leave your body here to rot. Yggdrasill will give me full praise for destroying the threat of Niflheim all by myself. I'm sure he wouldn't miss a traitor like you."

The more I stepped back, the more the human seemed to round on me. Continuously getting closer. Bloodlust glinting in his ruby eyes.

"You promised!" I tried to appear hostile, though in my heart I felt nothing but disappointment. "You promised you'd ignore what I've been doing if I helped you with Niflheim."

I suddenly found myself backed into a wall. I'd been cornered. Cornered by the human who'd been my friend for over four thousand years, and whom I also loved deeply.

"You actually believed me?" Kratos laughed cruelly, before reaching out to grab my throat with one forceful hand. "You're a fool."

My heart plummeted with incredible speed. It looked like he wasn't the man I had befriended so long ago afterall. The man who had cared for me. I had hoped that maybe, this one time, my old companion would show himself. But I'd been mistaken. All that was left was one of Yggdrasill's minions. A true lord of Cruxis.

I tried to push the human off me. Tried to wrench his fingers off my throat. But his grip was too strong. And all the while, he kept glaring at me menacingly.

"You backstabbing asshole." I spluttered.

"Ironic, coming from you, isn't it?" Kratos smiled wickedly. "Though I have to admit, I admire your courage. Trying to kill me, when you have such strong feelings."

"F-feelings?" I repeated, trying to replace the shock on my face with surprise. He knew?

"You love me, don't you? You loved me all along. It was so obvious."

The way he commented this so casually… Like he didn't care at all. It burned a hole straight through my heart.

"Y-you…"

"Not only did you turn your back on Mithos and me, but Martel too. Even now, you continue to betray her memory." Kratos said sharply. "You're just a filthy half-elf who _deserves_ to die."

Everything he said. It was all true, wasn't it? I betrayed everyone, because _I_ thought it was right. I just followed my own selfish thoughts. Perhaps I truly did deserve to die. And what better way than by his hands?

I stopped struggling against the human's grip, dropping my hands weakly by my sides. This was it then.

"Yes, that's right. Allow yourself to be swallowed by darkness, where you belong." Kratos smirked victoriously, increasing the pressure on my throat. How odd. I'd never seen this side of the human before. Was this all Yggdrasill's doing? Or Niflheim's? As long as I'd known him, he showed compassion for others. Ready to forgive if necessary. He never toyed with the ones he had to kill. Right now he was behaving almost like a… demon.

And then it clicked.

"You're not Kratos."

Ruby eyes widening in surprise, the force of Kratos' grip decreased slightly, allowing me to catch my breath. Just in time too. I was starting to feel light-headed.

"What did you say?"

"You're not Kratos. You're an illusion created by Niflheim, aren't you?"

"Impressive. I didn't think you'd catch on."

As the gloved hand let go, I immediately fell to my knees, gasping softly. My throat burned painfully, and I could almost feel the air flowing to my brain again. Allowing me to think straight once more.

I glanced up at the man before me, who had stepped back, placing his left hand on his hip, while holding Flamberge casually in his right. Amazing. He was just like the real thing. Even Kratos himself would think he was looking in a mirror.

"What are you?" I asked, staggering to my feet again.

"I am your inner demon. A manifestation of your sins. Your desires, fears, guilt... I am created by all the darkness that resides in your heart. And I am also the last trial of Niflheim." The demon pointed its sword at me, a strange smile on its face. "If you want to leave this place alive, you must defeat me."

My inner demon… He must be strong. Very strong. Afterall, it seemed like my heart was an endless pit of darkness. But I couldn't give up now. There was a reason for me to fight. My thoughts might appear selfish, but if I could succeed, the worlds would be saved. There wouldn't be any more needless sacrifices. Martel would be granted her eternal rest. If I could get out of here… Maybe Kratos and I could find another way.

"Let's do this." I drew my sword, clutching it tightly.

"Are you sure you don't want me to put you out of your misery instead? Afterall, if you get out of here, things might go back to the way they were. You won't make a difference at all." The demon almost hissed.

"You're wrong." I shook my head faintly. "I'm going to tell Kratos how I feel. Even if he doesn't feel the same way. I'll tell him everything. Chances are, he'll kill me. But he might choose to help. And then we'll set things right. Together."

"If that is what you want to believe…" the demon gave a faint shrug, and assumed an attacking position. "Get ready to die."

I swiftly had to raise my sword, to block the demon's first attack. It'd nearly cut me in half. Jumping to the side, I got ready to retort with my an attack of my own, but the demon was too quick. All I could do was defend myself from its attacks, while trying to find an opening. Not only did it look like Kratos, it could fight like the human too.

"Pathetic!" It spat, trying to slash at my side.

Using the powers of my Cruxis crystal, I jumped upwards and flipped in mid-air, trying to get behind the demon. But it had anticipated that, and hopped to the side, whirling around. Physical attacks obviously weren't going to cut it. So that only left…

Already starting to chant a spell, I slashed at the demon one last time, before hopping back. The creature tried to stop me, but it was too late.

"Thunder blade!" I roared, as a large magical sword suddenly fell to the ground. There was a loud explosion, and the demon flew backwards, landing in a crouching position. It snarled dangerously. Not wasting any time, I immediately got started on my next spell.

"Indignation- Guh!" Just as I finished summoning the strongest lightning attack of all, I got stabbed in my side by the imitation Flamberge. At the same time, a bolt of lightning came down from the sky, and struck my inner demon where it stood. Letting out an unearthly shriek, it jumped backwards.

I fell to my knees with a groan, trying to pull the sword from my side. It was stuck. And I was now too weakened to continue the battle. Was this the end?

"I surrender." The demon spoke suddenly.

… What? I hadn't lost?

"You have finished the Niflheim trial. You have won the battle with your inner demon, but it has not left you unscratched. And though you have faced your fears and hated memories, darkness will always be a part of your heart. There will always be an inner demon. Remember these words." With that, the demon disappeared, taking the sword with it. Blood immediately started to pool from my injury.

I felt tears run down my face, as I leaned forward, placing my hands on the cold floor. Tears of pain, loneliness and exhaustion. How many times had I cried already, since I'd entered this place? I found that I couldn't get to my feet anymore. All I wanted to do was stand up, and leave. But I couldn't. Blood continued to drip onto the ground, forming a pool underneath me.

"It looks like… this is the end." I whispered hoarsely, all energy being drained from my body. I was vaguely aware that the walls of the room were starting to fade, and disappear. The exit must've been near. It was a pity, really.

"Kratos…" I whispered. Sighing listlessly, I fell forward, and thought no more.

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((**Meowzy:** Dun dun duuuun! Oh, did you notice that I suck at writing battle scenes?)) 


	20. Kratos’ dread

((A/N: **Katra:** Well, this chapter took me a bout a week to write, as I tried to figure out the battle scene and dialogue. And so on. And I just watched Sleepless in Seattle and it's stuck in my head! Gawd do I love that movie.  
**Meowzy:** Yes, it is a good movie. And guess what everyone? 20 chapters! Thank you all for supporting us up to now!))

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Chapter twenty: Kratos' P.O.V.

'_Well... when you're ready... step up. And prepare yourself to face the dark side of your heart_.'

The dark side of my heart? If I hadn't heard that one thousands of times…

Blinking away the anguish with one quick flicker of light, I had treaded upon the terminal, the last portal. Slight trepidation grabbed at my feeble heart as the darkness began to teem into my innermost soul, plunging its way into the very soul I was. It was almost like I was fighting the darkness, in some sort of non-physical combat. But the strength of my mind was slowly dissipating as the scenery slowly came into focus.

A rather blurring, long arena appeared before me, before I was suddenly jolted onto the ground, face first. Breaths intensifying, I slowly gazed upward, letting the red floor seep into my eyes. Was this... it? Where was the challenge, the task I had fight? Was that small quarrel with the darkness it?

However, all this unuttered thinking instantly halted when an image slowly came into focus before me. The only thing, and the best thing, I could do at that moment was hoist myself onto my unstable legs, feeling life slightly ease back into me. For now at least.

However, that life would have been better suited to stay gone, for when I saw the image, or more so the figure, for face-value, I felt my soul lunge out of my body, if you will, leaving me standing there like a ice statue in the coldest of regions. It was like my feet had been adhered to the floor beneath me, and my lips tightly glued shut, as if to stop me from speaking any words.

But that state wouldn't last long as I extended a hand to touch the pale face before me, as if to confirm that this was real, and not a hallucination. No, it wasn't, he was standing there, breathing, glaring, as blood coursed through his half-elven veins.

"Yuan..." Was all I said, in an almost relaxed tone.

It was all over, we had both won. We were out of Niflheim, safe. I still hadn't really gotten the information I needed, the information Yggdrasill sent me here for. But that really wasn't all that relevant. I had Yuan, and he had myself. I'd never mutter a word to the greater about Yuan's treachery, not even if he threatened to slash my throat for it. A gruesome image, but true nonetheless.

"Don't touch me... you foul human."

I was snapped back into reality, like a bone would snap, as he strongly ascended his right hand, striking away my hand that was placed on his face. It was such a violent, and sudden action, that I had tumbled backwards, landing on my back in a painful cry.

This was all for nothing... he was going to kill me, wasn't he? The table had been turned and now he wanted to kill me, thinking I'd tell Yggdrasill.

"You're not going to get out of here alive. I told you before, I don't trust you, or any humans. You're going to go back to Yggdrasill," By now he had stepped next to my fallen body, a menacing gleam in his emerald eyes. He bent down slightly next to me and then whispered the final part in my stinging ears, "and tell on me, aren't you?"

I was speechless, unable to say anything if I wanted to. Stun and terror rushed through my usually cold and unfeeling eyes. The only thoughts that surged through my ever unstable mind was that I needed to tell him. Tell him everything I was feeling, and how much I went through getting here, just to see him and tell him.

"Yuan, you've got to listen to me," I pleaded, extending my hand to take his in mine. But he was allowing none of this, as he shrugged my hand away, now glaring darkly into my eyes.

"You've never listened to me, so why should I listen to you?" He hissed, his hands clenching in visible sight.

I could feel a gulp of anxiety form in my throat. He was going to kill me, even if I said what I wanted to.

"Yuan, please, listen." I further begged, staggering so I was sitting up a bit more.

His eyes were unreadable, space less. He was stronger than myself to get through Niflheim in one piece, and still as strong as ever. I underestimated my angel, and now I was going to pay in a most cruel manor.

"Get up and fight." He demanded, passing me my fallen sword as he stood up himself, unsheathing the swallow.

I blinked a few more times, starring at him with much fear. Without any other words, I staggered to my feet, clenching the sword unsurely. I couldn't kill him, not now, and not ever. I just couldn't. It wasn't in me to kill, not anymore. Not Yuan... not like Anna.

"I'm not going to kill you, Yuan." I spoke, now tossing the blade aside.

His emerald eyes looked at the blade being thrown as a sly smirk fell upon his curved lips.

"You say you're not going to fight? Is that right? You know, you really disgust me." He took a step closer as I found myself taking a step backwards in response. "First you claim to love me, then you kill your wife, betray your son, and then come running back to me, expecting open arms? You humans really are pitiful." He chirped darkly.

"...Yuan..." My words fell onto death ears as I grinned my teeth together, too afraid to respond until a few moments. "Yuan, I won't fight you. I won't kill you like Anna."

"You won't kill me." He smirked and then crossed his arms, still holding the swallow powerfully. "You _can't_ kill me."

"Please, Yuan, let's just leave here, go back... together." I whispered, still further pleading. I couldn't leave here without him, or with him dead. It wouldn't be right. He came this far, I couldn't leave him behind.

"Give it up Kratos, I'd never love a human like you!" It was then when he swung his swallow at me, sending me flying across the room, banging into a wall beside my sword.

My mind began to blur as I weakly reached for the sword, and then hoisting it upward in a guard as I felt the swallow come in contact with it. My instincts took over as, even through the pain, I flipped upwards onto my feet, slashing violently at the swallow. But with every swing, he'd block with equal skills. It felt like this slashing went on forever until I gained some space from him. As quick as I knew how, I extended my hand in the air, muttering an enchantment.

"Thunder blade!" I demanded, as a flurry of thundering swords came pooling down onto the half-elf.

More than half missed him, but some did. It wasn't until then when Yuan starred darkly at me. Too darkly... It wasn't until then when I realized what was in front of me the whole time. The obvious, the truth. This wasn't Yuan... I had left him with his Renegade sword and clothes. He couldn't get his own equipment back. I blinked as my own malicious smile spread across my lips as I stepped closer a bit, eyes filled with anger.

"You... what are you?" I hissed, holding the sword at ready.

It was then when the fake Yuan snickered, tilting his head to the side as the blue hair followed, pooling on his shoulders oh so gracefully.

"Your inner demon, Kratos. I'm everything you fear, everything you love, everything you hate, everything you want to be. You can't beat me Kratos... because I'm you."

"...You're... me?" I spoke incoherently, not understanding that much until he swung once more at me, now attempting to cast indignation.

I blinked in surprise as I used a quick tiger blade, sending him off balance. It was then when I took another stray stab, causing a sharp piercing in his side. The fake Yuan hollered in pain, clutching his side as the swallow fell. It was now time for the naive to think they had won.

Unsurely, I stepped closer to the now wounded and oddly grinning demon. His emerald eyes searched me as he held the wound tightly, smirking manically.

"You're so gullible." It was then when he raised his hand as an orb of thunder appeared around me.

Instantly, I mustered up all the courage and strength I could, and lunged out of the orb, just in time for an incredible shock of thunder, to be sent flying through the arena. I snapped my eyes shut, too afraid to see if I was dead or not. When I did open them, I saw the demon clutching his side still, almost exhausted.

I arose to my feet once more, bleeding slightly as I starred. He was a demon... of my darkness, just like the Lord of Niflheim had said. If he was a creature of the darkness, of the shadows, then…

I instantly knew what had to be done. Bleeding, bruised, and weak, I rose my sword into the air once more, and I began to chant under my breath, placing my whole soul and faith into the words.

"Ancient Powers, cast your purifying light upon these corrupt souls. Rest in peace, sinners."

The demon looked at me with fear as he lunged his hand out, begging for mercy. "No-" He hollered as I said the last word with much strength, much pride.

"JUDGMENT!"

It was then when a flurry of streaming white lights fell from above, causing the whole arena to be filled with a sudden warmth. I closed my eyes, as if not to blind myself, as I slumped against the wall, the force of the attack causing me to be rather weakened.

'I did it for Yuan... for you...' I thought, before slowly opening my eyes as the lights faded. I glimpsed about, now seeing the wall straight ahead had opened up, causing the arena to become much larger. Taking a breath of relief, I also noticed the demon was gone. I did it... I conquered Niflheim.

This was no time for celebrating, as I soon came to find out. I lunged forward, seeing a pool of blood forming around a familiar figure. A figure that was the whole of everything of my dreams, and my nightmares. This time he wasn't fake, wasn't a figment of my inner demons. He was there... almost on the brink of death.

Full of fear, I scampered over next to the wounded half-elf, extending a hand to lift his head up slightly, looking at the blood running off of every part of his body.

"...Yuan?" I barely spoke, choking on my own words. I gave him a gentle shake, tears forming in my eyes for the first time in a very long time...

"W-wake up..." I whispered, casting First Aid with all the strength I had left. He glowed green, and it dimmed as he still rested in my arms... almost lifeless.

"Don't die... not like this... not now... you can't... You can't..." I buried my head into his chest, letting the tears of four thousand years of pain fall. "because I... love you..."

"K-Kratos?"

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((**Katra:** Cliffhanger! Some goodness for you to work on Meowzy!  
**Meowzy:** -_nosebleeding_- Such a good chapter... I must work very hard to make chapter 21 full of fluff and cuteness! ... Or shall it be filled with angst and disappointment? Muahahahahah!)) 


	21. Yuan's escape

((A/N: **Meowzy:** Wow... When Kat and me started this collab, I didn't think we'd get to 21 chapters. But I have to say, this is one of the coolest stories I've ever written. And Kat is such an awesome co-writer! So anyway... I also wanna thank all you loyal reviewers. And... I have to stop talking like this is the last chapter. Because it's not. Uhhh... enjoy!))

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Chapter twenty-one: Yuan's P.O.V.

It was the strangest sensation, being swallowed by pure darkness. I couldn't see, I couldn't hear… I couldn't scream… Nothing. My soul had been ripped from my body. I was dying. Even though I had gotten through the Niflheim trial, I had lost.

Suddenly, I felt myself slowly return to my senses, as warmth spread through my body, vanquishing my pain. Though the pain wasn't gone, oh no. But for some reason, I just didn't care about it anymore. A burst of light was driving away the darkness in my mind.

'_Because… I love you…_'

That voice… It was familiar.

I was faintly aware of something pressing against my chest. A pair of arms wrapped around me… My eyes slowly fluttered open, to see a head of messy auburn hair.

"K-Kratos?" I whispered, though my voice was incredibly hoarse.

The human seemed to freeze, before looking up to stare into my face. Were those tears? He'd been… crying?

"Why-" I began, trying to sit up. But I immediately broke off with a grunt of pain. Looking down, I saw that my side was still severely injured. An image of the demon's sword flashed through my mind.

"Shhh." Kratos placed a soothing hand on my chest, once again casting a First aid spell. But he looked exhausted. Why was he going through so much length to help me?

'_Because… I love you…_'

That line shot through my head again, like a stray memory. Was it true that he'd said it? Or had I been dreaming?

The effects of the healing spell rushed through my body, once again filling me with warmth. The pain lessened considerably, and my injury stopped bleeding. I could also think slightly clearer again, as though a veil in my mind had been lifted.

"Is it really you this time?" I asked with a light smile, raising a hand to tug at his hair.

"Y-yes!" he winced slightly, but made no effort to stop me from pulling his unruly locks.

"Heh… That's good." I looked down, watching my bloodstained Renegade uniform. "So… We both got through Niflheim?"

"Looks like it." He replied, a slightly awkward tone in his voice, finally removing his hand from my chest.

I couldn't help but wonder what Niflheim had shown him. Had he also seen memories of the past? And dreams reflecting his innermost secrets? Had Niflheim left him too, with a scarred soul? Because, as my inner demon said… I was not unscratched. I had uncovered things that might've been better off hidden.

"But why are we still here?" Kratos asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I glanced around blankly. He was right. If we'd both passed the trials then… Why were we still here? There was no visible exit, and no teleporter. Even the one that had led to this floor was gone. The only thing left was the crimson floor we were sitting on, and the darkness surrounding it.

"That backstabbing son of a-" I hissed under my breath. Now I wanted nothing more than to get my hands on that wretched demon, and make it go through a world of hurt.

"I guess demons never keep to their word, hm?" Kratos smiled faintly, and I noticed he still had an arm behind my back, holding me steady. But I did nothing to break the half-embrace.

"Guess not." I sighed, rolling my eyes faintly. "So… How did your trial go?"

"Ah… Well..." Kratos looked away, slightly red in the face. "I got to see a few… hated memories. Things I hoped to never see again. And… I vanquished my inner demon."

"Hm… Same here. Though he ended up nearly taking me with him." I smiled lightly, placing a hand on my injured side. It still stung painfully, though the wound had closed thanks to Kratos' efforts.

"Good thing I got here on time, then." Kratos absentmindedly ran a hand through his hair.

Another awkward silence followed. I wondered faintly what had happened to my resolution. The determination I had felt when battling my inner demon. I'd said I was going to tell him, but… my courage was lacking. I was afraid that he'd get angry. And to be stuck with him forever after causing a scene like that… would be painful. Though, not saying a word would be the same, right? Maybe I could atleast… hint something.

"You know… Niflheim confronted me with something." I began, not meeting his eyes.

"Oh? What's that?" Kratos was observing me closely, making me even more nervous.

I gulped faintly, biting down on my lower lip.

"Yes. It uh… Showed me that I still have feelings." I tried desperately to find the right words. "Feelings that I haven't truly sensed since M-Martel."

After all this time, I still had trouble with her name. Especially after experiencing her death all over again. But I had to stay strong. I knew she'd encourage me to do the same.

But now I was unsure how to continue. And Kratos hadn't shown any response at all. Trying to shove aside my fears, I looked up at him. The expression on his face wasn't quite decipherable. It was like a mix between understanding and daring. I tried to think of something to say, but was saved the trouble to, when he suddenly leaned forward to brush his lips against mine.

I instantly froze, several thoughts and questions darting through my mind at the same time. But in the end, it all came back to that one stray memory.

'_Because… I love you…_'

He really had said it, hadn't he? He _did_ love me.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I started to lean into the kiss. To show him that I felt the same way. But that was rudely interrupted, as my vision suddenly turned dark. As though someone had simply flicked off the light. I felt myself being swallowed by the shadows again, no longer sensing my limbs. Just being tossed and turned… Everything was spinning. I tried to scream, but no sound came.

Then, just as sudden as it happened, the light suddenly reached my eyes, and I found myself staring into Kratos' confused eyes again. I wasn't sitting on the ground any longer… I was standing, one arm outstretched. I was so shocked, I dropped the thing I was holding.

Niflheim fell to the ground with a dull thud. We were back in Sybak's library. And all our wounds had disappeared. There was no longer any blood on my clothes. As though they were never there... But the events were still fresh in my memory.

"We're back." Kratos muttered, glancing around. A few people had looked up at the sound of the book dropping, but soon returned to their work as though nothing had happened.

My eyes immediately darted to a nearby clock. It was near the afternoon. No time had passed at all since we entered that hellish place.

I got down on my knees and reached out to grab Niflheim, but Kratos stopped me.

"Don't touch it." He said quickly, grabbing my wrist.

"We can't leave it here." I said, observing the book closely. The exsphere embedded into the cover shined dully.

"We'll take it outside, and destroy it." Kratos stated as-a-matter-of-factly.

"It doesn't look like regular magic can harm it, though." I muttered, thinking things through. That would be too easy, afterall.

"Then we'll show it to Yggdrasill. The book can be sealed away on Derris-Kharlan, where nobody will ever find it again." Kratos took off his cloak, and wrapped the book inside it, making sure not to touch it with his bare fingers.

I straightened up again, and followed him to the door.

"Excuse me?" called a voice. We both turned to glance at the librarian. She didn't seem too pleased. "Where do you think you're going with that?" she pointed to the bundle in Kratos' hands.

"We need to take it with us." Kratos said coldly.

"Books are not allowed to leave the library." The librarian didn't seem phased by Kratos' attitude.

"Then we'll buy it." Kratos took a small pouch out of his pocket, and tossed it onto the counter. "This should suffice."

The woman opened the pouch, and emptied it. Hundreds of coins scattered all over the counter.

"But sir, there's gotta be atleast three-hundred Gald in here…" she muttered, her eyes widening.

"What, books cost more these days?" he asked, sounding slightly like an old man.

"N-no! Not at all." The librarian stuttered.

"Very well." Kratos cast me a quick glance, and continued walking.

"Uhm… Good day." I smiled faintly at the dumbstruck woman, before following him out the door, and into the bright sunlight. Ahhh… how I'd missed the sun.

Kratos headed towards the back alley where we'd arrived, and I ran after him, trying to keep up. Then, a thought hit me.

"We can't go to Derris-Kharlan yet!" I said desperately, as we entered the alleyway.

"Why not?" Kratos tilted his head slightly. He obviously wanted to get this over with.

"I can't meet him like this!" I gestured at my Renegade clothing. Even if I _could_ convince Yggdrasill that it was a Desian uniform, it would still be suspicious. Plus, now more than anything, did I want to keep my trusty Swallow with me for protection.

"Then what do you suggest we do?" Kratos questioned softly. It was no longer a demand, like it normally would've been.

"… We'll stop by my base first, so I can change." I decided.

I'd have to take a chance this time. But Kratos loved me. He'd never tell Yggdrasill the location of my base, right?

"Alright. But I don't know the way, so you'll have to take me there." Kratos hooked his arm around my own, and I blushed heavily.

Trying to keep my breathing steady, I closed my eyes and teleported us both to Triet. Right in front of my front door. It was an instant change from the breezy Sybak air to the stifling desert heat. And not a very pleasant one.

Not wasting any time, I stepped away from Kratos and started to enter the password to open the door. He didn't peek over my shoulder, but even if he had, I wouldn't have minded.

The door opened with a hiss, and I quickly strode into the hallway, beckoning Kratos to follow. There weren't many Renegades at the base tonight, but those who were gave us strange stares. Ofcourse, they all knew who Kratos was. They'd been taught from the start who their enemies were. Still, they saluted just as quickly as ever as we passed them, not daring to say a word.

We soon arrived at the door leading to my office, and I swiftly opened it, peering inside. I wondered faintly where Botta was. Probably out on some mission. But it only made things easier.

Leading Kratos inside, I gestured to the chair behind my desk.

"Wait here."

Not waiting for a response, I continued walking until I reached my bedroom door. It opened, and soon closed behind me with a hiss. Just in time to make sure Kratos couldn't see me blushing deeply.

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((**Meowzy:** Neheheheh... I wonder... What will happen next? We'll have to wait for Kat's chapter to find out!)) 


	22. Kratos' conviction

((A/N: **Meowzy:** Ohayo, and welcome to the last chapter of Secrecy!  
**Katraa:** Indeed! The last chapter, sad to say. Oh yesh, I hear the melancholy weeping already!  
**Meowzy:** It's been a real pleasure working with an awesome author like Kat! -_hugs kat_-  
**Katraa: **You flatter me so much. I'm nothing great, just a fangirl. It's you who deserves the compliments for writing so greatly and putting up with my lateness.  
**Meowzy:** Heeheeh! Ofcourse, we must also thank the reviewers!  
**Katraa:** Zomg the reviewers indeed! I love you guys! -_showers you with lots of video tapes_- Don't ask, you do not want to know. Maybe you do, har har har.  
**Meowzy:** -_steals a tape_- So anyway, enjoy the last chapter everyone!  
**Katraa:** I'll have the paramedics on speed dial just incase someone enjoys too much XD))

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Chapter twenty-two: Kratos' P.O.V. 

When we did arrive at the base, the world seemed to be quite different. It was like the sun was brighter, the desert was exceedingly hotter, and well, the half-elf seemed happier. Maybe that was my own doing, or my own imagination. I wasn't one to nitpick at the details, so I pushed away the thought.

I peered at the half-elf as he announced he was leading into the other room to change back into his formal clothes. After all, what would Yggdrasill suspect if he was designed as a random renegade? Surely he'd think Yuan was a hideous traitor, and all that work of protecting his secret identity would be gone. Out the window, far gone. And then Yuan would more than likely snap at me, claiming it was all my fault, when it wasn't. So changing was the best idea the aqua half-elf had thought of since we left Niflheim.

Clasping my hands together on his desk, gloomily of course, a bit bored perhaps, I glimpsed out the window and then back to his desk. It seemed that he did have a lot of 'messy' paperwork, didn't he? Like what some person once said, "The messiest people in the world are the smartest." Perhaps that was true, and perhaps Yuan was a genius. All right, he more than likely was, to run an underground organization. But, nonetheless, it was still an amusing thought. Looking back down, I ran my hand through the collection on the desk. A few letters here, a few requests there, and oh what was this? Collecting it in my hands, I ran my eyes over it, reading the text. Something about requesting civilians to join the renegades. Useless business, as usual. From the mayor of Triet, brilliant.

Looking back to the door he had exited in moments before, I shuffled my feet on the ground, with extreme boredom. He did take awhile to change, didn't he? Pausing for a moment, I leaned back in the chair, trying to get comfortable. Thank Martel these chairs were plush, or I'd be extremely displeased with the wait. Casting a garnet glance ahead at the door, I leaned back further in the chair, and to my 'unexpectance' I had fallen backwards, clashing against the ground with a muffled thud.

Well, at least it didn't hurt. Not many things did, compared to Niflheim. Nonetheless, that wasn't seraph-like, was it? Wincing, I ran my hand through my locks of hair lazily and glimpsed back at the door, wondering if the thud had disturbed my partner. It didn't seem like it. Gripping the chair as I stood up, I licked my lips absentmindedly, wondering why I was being so clumsy lately. Who knows, maybe the atmosphere down in Niflheim had gotten to me after all, and I'd probably end up with a hazardous disease. Something peculiar.

It was rather odd, if I got to thinking about it, really. I mean, going through the trials of Niflheim had basically been the hardest thing in my whole eternal life. Probably worse than losing Anna, to be quite honest. And I usually wasn't the one to show 'hardship', so the whole idea of finding something hard was out of character, or unreal. So I'd never announce it, just think it. It was for the better, after all.

Blinking a few times, I looked lazily over at the clock. He had been in there five minutes now, what was taking him so long! Grunting under my breath, incoherently of course, I walked over to the door and tapped my knuckle against it gently, in a warning.

"Yuan?" I called softly to the closed door, wondering if he heard me. No response came as I arched an eyebrow and crossed my arms and knocked once more, a bit louder than before. Slightly, I leaned my form against the cherry wood door, so I wouldn't end up falling once more.

"Are you okay?" Of course he was okay, stupid question, but it was one of those things that you found yourself asking regardless the situation.

"Hello?" I spoke once more, knocking louder. Straightening my gaze so it was intently on the door, I pushed it open with a light creak as I did so.

Well, it was safe to say that this should have won the award from most inappropriately awkward moment by far. Gritting my teeth disdainfully, I filtered my vision with my eyes, so I could barely see the half-elf's behind.

I think that this was when he had actually noticed I was there. A face of complete shades of red looked over at me, flushed and yet a deep maroon at the same time. As he did so, he reached for his clothes, that were sprawled out on the bed with a journal of some sorts, trying not to squeak in between.

However, that look on his face was just too innocent, as I took a wavered step forward, reaching out and locking his pale hand within mine.

Confusion spread across him as he tilted his head, a deepened blush, but I had silenced him with leaning my forehead against his, and whispering softly. Words that I wasn't sure I was saying, or what they were. All I knew was that he sighed gently and then his forehead slightly further against mine, hands still laced together as one.

A moment passed before we had somehow locked lips in a fluidly embrace, as our free hands tangled together within each others, somehow trying to get our motives straight through. A gentle sparkle ran through his eyes as he said nothing. But for some reason, not saying anything at all was what made his seem so… vulnerable.

I hadn't even realized our current 'new' placement as I could feel his breathing deepening and his eyes clouding with much contemplating and pleasure.

And it was like the entirety of that pleasure had morphed into something that had been hidden for so long. Hidden beneath the years of hiddenance, abuse, hatred, and a forbidden love. But that didn't matter, for now we had uncovered, undusted more like it, something new. Something… unexplainable.

It was so perfect... that it felt like magic.

However, it was interrupted a bit when the flushed half-elves eyes loomed up to meet mine, his breath deepening as his hands wove in and out of my hair easily.

He didn't say anything for the longest time, as embraces were shared back and forth. But when he did speak, right in the middle of it all, right before anything of that much could happen, it was strong... and filled with insecurity.

"What… about Yggdrasill?" Was all he said, glancing away as he held his pale hands tightly around my neck as I laid on top of him. Worry spread across my lips as I pushed locks of his blue hair out of his eyes and smiled lightly.

"Don't worry about him, all right? I told you that you could trust me, I've got it all planned out. It'll be fine." It was so odd… to hear myself say something like that, to someone like him, and have it all be true. It felt… right.

"… What if he tries to…"

"Stop." I demanded, stopping his murmurs by locking my lush lips against his worrying, parted ones. His blush deepened as he broke away and starred deeply up at me.

"You've planned this all along, haven't you?" He smirked. That smirk, well, it was so good that I was surprised it wasn't illegal.

"And what would you say if I did?" I murmured slightly, now smiling myself and nuzzling my usually discontented face into his blushing neck.

"Well… you'll see."

If someone said there was no such thing as magic, or no such thing as the right thing or a wrong thing, they'd be lying. There's always hidden magic, true love, wherever we look. Even if it must be tested through. Trials of the heart. Even if you never find it, it's there. Hidden, waiting to be uncovered. It's there... in secrecy.


End file.
